


Catching and Falling

by tteamwrites



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Bokuaka mention, Bullying, Fights, Fluff, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Implied Sexual Content, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Major Character Injury, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-11 16:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 22,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7899958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tteamwrites/pseuds/tteamwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep Spring from coming.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Small Beginnings

The two boys rushed down the streets on their bicycles, the wind whizzing through their hair, carrying their laughs with them. They were racing, and Iwaizumi was sure he was going to win. He was about three feet ahead of Oikawa as they approached the drop of the hill which he knew would only fuel his momentum. 

“Come on Tooru! Do you want to lose?” Iwaizumi called over his shoulder. 

“Never in a million years!” Oikawa yelled back. 

They flew down the hill, away from the setting sun; the street lights began flickering on, the houses blurring together, the air hot and humid, and the cicadas singing their songs of the late summer evenings. This was Iwaizumi’s favorite time of day; not only were the bugs out so he could catch them, but he loved the color of the sky at this time: the soft blending of the oranges and purples just above him – just out of his reach. On evenings like this, he would lay with his dad in the yard, gazing at the clouds. They haven’t done that in a while, and Iwaizumi really wished they still did that together. 

While Iwaizumi was deep in thought, Oikawa passed him, laughing before turning around the corner. Iwaizumi exhaled before pedaling harder to catch up to the wavy-haired boy. Iwaizumi looked behind him and waved.

“Don’t get too cocky!” Iwaizumi easily surpassed him and took the lead once again. They made another sharp right and proceeded a few more feet down the road. Iwaizumi took notice of a large pothole in the concrete. He quickly swerved to avoid it but his front tire clipped the edge, making him fall sideways. It was an easy fall, he’ll get away with a bruise from his handlebar pressing into his leg at most. Oikawa had tried to stop but ended up hit the hole straight on, flipping over the handlebars a few paces in front of Iwaizumi. Oikawa’s bike landed on Iwaizumi’s ankle, causing him to wince.

“Oh my God, Tooru!” Iwaizumi leapt to his feet but immediately falling back down. His ankle was throbbing, he must have torn something in it. He heard Oikawa crying. Iwaizumi pushed himself up and hobbled towards his slumped over friend. Oikawa’s nose was bleeding and his right knee was turning purple. 

“Oh Tooru…”

“Iwa-chan don’t leave me!” he flung his arms around his friend’s neck, “Don’t leave me I can’t walk!” he racked out a sob.  
They were about 5 blocks away from Iwaizumi’s house, and there was no way either of them were biking back. Iwaizumi could walk, Oikawa could not. There was no other option.  
“Get on my back.”

Oikawa looked up with red eyes, “What?” 

“Get on my back, idiot.” 

Iwaizumi crouched down and allowed Oikawa to climb on. As he walked he could feel Oikawa’s tears on the back of his neck. He looked up at the sky, the stars were just starting to show. Oikawa’s knee was a deep shade of purple now, and he was defiantly in a lot of pain. As they reached Iwaizumi’s front porch, Iwaizumi was yelling for his mom.  
His mother frantically flung open the door, her eyes darting over the two. She quickly took Oikawa off Iwaizumi’s back. “What happened?” she asked and rushed inside, Iwaizumi on her heels. 

“W-we fell and Tooru’s hurt real bad! Will he be okay? Mom help him!” His breathing was rapid and tears were rolling down his cheeks. His mother took his face in her hands and brushed his tears away. Her dark hair falling in front of her eyes.

“He is going to be just fine. Especially because he has a friend like you.” Iwaizumi nodded. “How about you make a drink for Tooru?”  
Iwaizumi sniffed and walked into the kitchen. Oikawa and his mother had disappeared into the bathroom. Iwaizumi, with his naïve nature that only a child has, worried that they would have to cut Oikawa’s leg off. He nearly spilled the tea as the pitcher was very heavy for the eight year old, but he managed.  
He brought the tea into his bedroom to find Oikawa on his bed. He had a Band-Aid across his nose and cheek and his knee was wrapped in gauze, but he was smiling nonetheless.  
“It’s just bruised, don’t worry!” Oikawa said noticing Iwaizumi staring at his knee. Iwaizumi handed the tea to his friend. “Thank you for carrying me. I thought I was going to die!”  
Iwaizumi shook his head, “Stupid-kawa! You wouldn’t die from an injured knee!” 

Oikawa stuck out his tongue then took a sip of the tea. “You should let your mom put a Band-Aid on your ankle, I’m sure she doesn’t like blood on her carpet.” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, but went to his mother anyway. She quickly bandaged him up and sent him back to his room with the promise of dinner.  
Oikawa and Iwaizumi decided to play some video games, dinner was brought to them, and Oikawa managed to convince his mother to let him spend the night. As the two laid on the futons near the TV Iwaizumi remembered the race they were having before. 

“Just so you know, I won the race.”

Oikawa propped himself up on one elbow, the moon casting shadows over his face. “No we crashed. It’s a tie!”  
“You’re being too loud!” Neither of them were good at whispering. 

“But I hit the hole first, so I won!” 

“But our goal was to get to your house first! So we tied!” 

Iwaizumi opened his mouth to argue but his mother’s voice rang out telling them to be quiet.

“See! You got us in trouble!” Iwaizumi spat. 

“You started it!”

Iwaizumi reached from under him and smacked Oikawa with pillow. Oikawa quickly reacted, hitting Iwaizumi back. Thus, the pillow fight began. The two boys laughing as they hit each other. Iwaizumi scrambled atop his bed to get an advantage but Oikawa wrapped his hand around his ankle, pulling him down. Iwaizumi squealed as he hit the floor, guarding his face with the pillow as Oikawa proceeded to attack it.

“I surrender! I surrender! You win! You win!” he laughed. 

His bedroom door flung open, revealing his mother, a stern look plastered on her face. 

“She looks just like you Iwa-chan.” Oikawa said quietly. 

“Shut up!” Iwaizumi snapped. 

His mother pointed at the futons, “It’s late. Both of you to bed this instant. There’s plenty of time to play tomorrow.”  
The boys nodded glumly. 

“Okay. Goodnight Hajime, goodnight Tooru-chan.” She quickly pecked their cheeks and exited the room. 

They laid down side-by side on the futon. Iwaizumi remembered that they had to get their bikes tomorrow, but for now he would sleep. Oikawa inched closer to him, “I’m cold.”  
“It’s the middle of July and you’re cold?” 

Oikawa nodded slightly. 

Iwaizumi sighed and pulled the blanket over Oikawa’s shoulders and inched over to him. “Better?” 

“Much better.” 

Iwaizumi wanted to call him an idiot but they both quickly fell into a dream filled sleep.


	2. I care;I promise.

Iwaizumi sat slumped in his desk, staring at the clock and ignoring everything his teacher was saying. He should’ve been listening, since he did want to get into his third year of middle school with ease, but he was itching to get to practice. All he wanted was to spike a perfect straight; a spike that could get through any block, no matter the strength of his opponents. He hoped Oikawa would stay after practice for a couple more spikes. He smiled to himself; of course Oikawa would stay for extra practice, he was so committed and Iwaizumi admired that. 

“Can you tell me the answer, Iwaizumi-kun?” the teacher chirped, not looking away from the algebra problem he was writing. 

Iwaizumi looked at the board for a moment and did the calculations on his desk feverishly, “Three hundred and thirteen.”

The teacher smiled, “Very good, Iwaizumi-kun.” Iwaizumi sighed in relief. 

When the bell finally rang, Iwaizumi was basically flying out of his seat and down the hall towards the gym. He swung open the club room’s door to see Oikawa already there, getting changed into his practice clothes. “Hey Oikawa.” He jumped in response.  
“Oh…hi.” Oikawa answered still looking away. 

Iwaizumi pulled his shirt off, “What’s wrong?” 

Oikawa shook his head. 

“Oikawa…” 

Oikawa’s shoulders shook as he turned around. His glasses were broken, his eyes were swollen over and puffy and bloody spit was on his chin. Iwaizumi was trying not to look at his nose, one minute they were looking at his regretful eyes and next to the bloody mess that was once Oikawa’s perfectly ordinary nose. 

“Who did this?” Iwaizumi yelled, putting on his jacket.

“Iwa-chan no! It’s not a big deal, I’m fine! I can deal with the name calling!” 

“Not a big deal?” Iwaizumi gripped the door handle, “this is a huge deal! Now tell me who did this!” 

Oikawa brushed back tears from his eyes, “Those third years, Saito and Kobayashi.” 

“They play rugby right?” 

Oikawa nodded. 

And with that Iwaizumi walked out the door, Oikawa on his heels. 

“Iwa-chan please don’t hurt them! It’s okay!” 

“No its not! Look at yourself!” 

Iwaizumi walked behind the rugby clubroom, the culprits standing there stretching. 

“Oh look the fag brought his boyfriend this time!” the taller of the two said. “Come back for more?” He added, eyeing Oikawa. 

“You leave him out of this! This is between me and you.”

“Ah, two fags then,” the other boy laughed. 

Iwaizumi couldn’t remember what was said next, but suddenly his fist had slammed into the tall boy’s jaw. Iwaizumi had never punched anyone and was surprised how much it hurt his arm. Blood pooled from his mouth and they stumbled apart for a moment to catch their breaths. Iwaizumi dodged the incoming fist and managed to punch him again in the eye. The rest of the fight was blurry, he could only remember his hand connecting with the guy’s face more times than he could count and Oikawa screaming for Iwaizumi to stop. He didn’t stop until the rugby coach managed to pull him off the boy. 

Iwaizumi had blood on his knuckles and a bruise above his eye. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter if he couldn’t remember or he would be getting detention or forced to run extra laps at practice; it was worth it. They wouldn’t hurt Oikawa again. The victory was his. 

The principle called him into the office as Saito and Kobayashi exited. The principle was young, mid-thirties at most, he had wavy blond hair and kind eyes. He looked like a person that you could trust.

The principle explained to Iwaizumi that he was wrong for his actions, but so were the others involved. They all would receive detention and wouldn’t be allowed to play in the next match, with the exception of Oikawa. Iwaizumi could live with that. What Iwaizumi was really worried about was what his mother and father would say. Iwaizumi was a good kid; this is something that wasn’t expected. 

Oikawa and Iwaizumi were silent on the walk home. The swelling on Oikawa’s nose had gone down considerably and, with his face washed, he looked only slightly disheveled. Iwaizumi’s head was throbbing. He pulled out his water bottle from his bag and took a long drink.

“Thank you.” Oikawa muttered, finally breaking the silence. 

Iwaizumi shrugged, “They deserved it.” 

“I’m sorry you got hurt because of me.” 

Iwaizumi put his hand on his friend’s shoulder, “This is not your fault.” 

-

After that Oikawa changed, especially when third year rolled around. He traded out his glasses for contacts, he started keeping up his appearance, he started being more confident and the girls took notice. 

“Iwa-chan, Rei-chan left a note in my shoe locker! How sweet!” Oikawa sang tossing the heart shaped note into Iwaizumi’s lap. 

It was a brisk autumn day. The wind bit at their exposed faces and there was a good amount of frost on the grass beneath the trees that casted large shadows on the two boys. It wouldn’t be long before the red and brown leaves would fall to the ground. Iwaizumi adjusted his scarf. 

“Didn’t you get one from Ai-san yesterday?”

Oikawa placed his finger on his chin in thought. “Hmm. Now that I think of it, this is my third one this week.” 

Iwaizumi sighed, “Must be nice, being a pretty boy.”  
Oikawa leaned across the picnic table they were sharing and placed his index finger between Iwaizumi’s brow. ‘Well if you didn’t frown so much, you could have a beautiful face!” he smirked.

Iwaizumi swatted his hand away, “You’re annoying.” 

Oikawa laughed lightly, “Let’s go on to practice it’s getting late.” 

Practice was alright. The gym floor was cold so it made diving for stray balls worse than usual. It didn’t seem as long, and Iwaizumi was thankful, as he had lots of studying to do. He reminded an overly eager first year to help clean up. Iwaizumi liked him, even if Oikawa wasn’t so fond. Iwaizumi thought nothing of the simple senpai-kohai rivalry. He knew the boy was going to be an amazing setter one day. 

It was much more when Oikawa tried to hit him, and Iwaizumi gave him hell for it. Not only that, Oikawa was staying late almost every day to practice more. Iwaizumi knew becoming a star setter for the national team was Oikawa’s dream but everyone needed to rest; sacrificing your health wasn’t going to make him a better player. Iwaizumi tried to drill that idea into Oikawa’s head but if Oikawa was anything, he was stubborn. 

It was the night before the team was meant to compete in the semi-finals and Iwaizumi was beyond nervous. He tossed and turned in his bed, constantly checking the clock. He was practically begging for sleep when his phone started vibrating on his nightstand. Iwaizumi rolled over and picked up his phone, Oikawa’s name was lit up. He swiped to answer, “Hello?” 

“Your sleepy voice is cute,” Oikawa said. His voice was shaky.

“Shut up. Why are you calling it’s…” Iwaizumi looked at his digital clock, “it’s midnight.” 

He heard Oikawa exhale, “I-uh, I fucked up. Big time.” 

Iwaizumi sat up, “What happened?” 

“I’m in a lot of pain, please come and get me. I wanted to call my parents but…” 

Iwaizumi flung his covers off and started putting on his shoes, “Where are you?” 

“The gym.” 

Iwaizumi’s stomach flipped. “I’m coming.” 

It was barely March and it was freezing. The snow was just starting to melt but the sky was so clear. Iwaizumi managed to pick out a few constellations Oikawa had taught him. He was cold in his hoodie but as he ran down the streets towards the school, he couldn’t come to care. The gym lights could be seen from the entrance to the school. Please be okay.  
As he opened the gym doors he saw Oikawa sat on the floor, sitting horizontal to Iwaizumi. He waved lightly, despite the intense look of pain on his face. Iwaizumi looked down at Oikawa’s right knee. It cut out in a strange angle, definitely dislocated. Iwaizumi’s stomach lurched, he looked away. 

“Oh c’mon it’s not that bad!” 

Iwaizumi pulled out his phone, “No, no, this is bad! Really bad!” He dialed for an ambulance. “Yes, hello? I need an ambulance, my friend’s knee its dislocated.” 

Oikawa started to cry, whether from the pain from his knee or the guilt that he might never play again, Iwaizumi was worried. He crouched down next to his friend, he was pale and his breathing was shallow, he gripped Iwaizumi’s hand, “Geez Oikawa, that’s quite a grip.” He was trying to lighten the mood. 

“I’m never going to play again! This is it!” he sobbed into Iwaizumi’s shoulder, “I fucked everything up!” 

“Hey,” Iwaizumi rubbed Oikawa’s back, his white tee shirt was damp with sweat. “We don’t know that.” Of course, Iwaizumi was telling the truth but he was thinking the same thing that Oikawa was. This injury was nothing simple, this could kill his career. 

The ride to the hospital was quiet, Iwaizumi called Oikawa’s mom and she met them there. The doctors escorted Oikawa on a stretcher into one of the back rooms, his mom went with him. It had been maybe forty-five minutes when his mom came out into the waiting room. Iwaizumi sprang from his chair. 

“Is he okay!?” 

She placed her hands on his shoulder, “He’s asleep right now. They put his knee back in place, he’s fine.” Iwaizumi sighed with relief.  
“When can he play again?” 

She sighed, and brushed her hair out of her face. She was beautiful and young, she had Oikawa at a young age. Her and her husband moved into the same neighborhood as Iwaizumi’s parents, they had met in the park. It was an instant friendship as they both were expecting baby boys that summer. Oikawa’s mom qualified as Iwaizumi’s mom away from home. 

“Six to eight weeks with the cast. Then a few weeks of physical therapy, and a brace for life.” 

The words shook Iwaizumi, Oikawa was out for the rest of the year, he’d be lucky to even get on the high school team. A million emotions flooded through him. But all he could fathom to do was nod. Oikawa’s mother drove him home and Iwaizumi went straight to bed. He promised himself to visit Oikawa at home after the game, as he was just drifting to sleep his phone went off. It was Oikawa. 

\- I cant believe I wont be able to play щ(ºДºщ)  
\- You will eventually  
\- You think so ??!! o(´д｀o)  
\- I know so. Youll recover,  
\- Thank you for coming to get me, and carrying me into the ambulance  
\- Ive carried you before, no big deal  
\- No, really, thank you ꒰∗´꒳`꒱  
\- No problem, now go to bed crappy-kawa  
\- SO RUDE (」｡≧□≦)」

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAT WITH ME HERE (ノ・∀・)ノ teamtobio.tumblr.com


	3. A Confession Not Returned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lo3lxS-6joY

“Oikawa don’t forget your brace,” Iwaizumi said taking off his jersey.

“Are you my mom?” Oikawa smirked, pulling on the brace. 

“Oh ha ha.” 

Oikawa laughed and grabbed his bag then pressed his finger into Iwaizumi’s cheek. “Despite your old age, you have baby cheeks!” Iwaizumi pulled away. 

“I’m sixteen, and you’re a month younger then me!” Oikawa laughed again. Iwaizumi pulled open the club door, “You coming?” 

Oikawa shook his head, “I promised Yuri-chan I’d walk her home.” 

Iwaizumi’s stomach sank, he gripped this door handle. “Ah.”  
Why was this bugging him? It shouldn’t. It was not going to bug him, he didn’t care. He walked with haste away from the clubroom. As he rounded the corner he came face to face with a girl with large green eyes. He nearly bumped into her but managed to stop quickly enough.

“Oh I’m sorry!” she squeaked. 

Iwaizumi put up his hands, “No, it’s my fault.”

She hid her mouth behind her hand when she laughed; Iwaizumi felt his cheeks getting red. The girl was in his class. She sat a couple seats in front of him, she always raised her hand no matter the question or subject. Her black hair fell in ringlets around her shoulders and she was a little shorter than Iwaizumi. She was holding a sports bag.

“What sport do you play Honoka-san?” Iwaizumi asked.

“Tennis!” she made a swinging motion with her hand, “You’re in the volleyball club right? What position?” 

“Wing spiker.” 

She smiled, and Iwaizumi’s stomach flipped. “That’s really cool!” 

“Well I’ll see you around, Iwaizumi-kun!” Iwaizumi looked behind her to see Oikawa holding Yuri’s hand as they walked. Honoka began to walk away but Iwaizumi caught her arm.  
“Um...Honoka-san?” He loosened his grip when she noticed how red her cheeks had gotten. “Do you…do you want to walk home together?” 

-  
Iwaizumi started dating Honoka a week later. They would walk home together and hold hands, they went out to lunch together some Saturdays; Iwaizumi liked her. It was only when he laid in bed at night is when he imagined hands, he knew whose hands, but he always felt guilty when he woke up and had to take a shower. He wonders if the owner of those hands felt in the same. 

When summer finally arrived he decided to invite Honoka to the festival that was finally in town. He and Oikawa agreed to bring their girlfriends. 

“I will more prizes for her than you!” Oikawa cooed over the phone the afternoon before. 

“We’ll see about that!”

Oikawa and Iwaizumi walked to the festival together. The sun was blistering hot on their backs but there was a slight breeze that kept them somewhat cool. Oikawa pulled up his tee shirt and wiped his face. Iwaizumi’s eyes lingered at the exposed skin and the shadows of abs just starting to show; he looked away before Oikawa could notice. Honoka and Yuri were stood at the entrance to the festival both dressed in colorful yukatas. Honoka had her hair pulled up with a matching ribbon. They waved when they saw the boys approaching. Oikawa laced his fingers with Yuri’s a planted a kiss on her cheek, Iwaizumi mimicked the actions. He couldn’t ignore the pang of jealousy in his stomach.  
The festival was always a place of fun. The outfits lit up the summer’s nights, a riot of color that would put any garden to shame. Music filled the air, festive drums lifted everyone’s spirits and Oikawa spun Yuri to the beat; Oikawa’s laugh brought a smile to Iwaizumi’s face. The air smelled heavily of the fried food and sweets, every delicious thing just waiting to be eaten. 

Oikawa challenged Iwaizumi to a few games set up in the booths, they were both awful at any they tried but Iwaizumi managed to win a small bear. Honoka was looking away at the time, whispering something to Yuri. He slipped it into Oikawa’s bag without him noticing. An early birthday present, he thought. They wandered around the festival, stopping at various booths to try some food. Honoka managed to feed Iwaizumi something sweet, the instant the treat touched his tongue it began to melt. Honoka and Yuri were giggling but Oikawa was looking away, with a disappointed look. 

As the night drew to a close the firework show was just around the corner. People had started gathering along the riverside with their picnic blankets. Oikawa managed to convince the girls to take the blanket down there to get a good spot. He promised to return with some drinks before dragging Iwaizumi through the crowd by his arm.  
It felt a little crazy, chasing after Oikawa through the busy alley. They weaved around people laughing, Oikawa taunting that Iwaizumi couldn’t catch him. Oikawa turned out of the festival and up some steps leading towards a small park that overlooked the river. The lights from the festival shown through the trees, casting shadows over them as they ran.  
“You should’ve joined track!” Iwaizumi called, he heard Oikawa laugh.

By the time they reached the small park, their cheeks hurt from laughing and their lungs were burning. Oikawa collapsed on the bench facing the river, panting heavily, sweat running down his forehead. Iwaizumi sat down next to him and wiped his face on his shoulder. 

Why did he bring me up here? Why did I follow without question? 

Oikawa started laughing again. “We are such idiots.” Iwaizumi smiled. 

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Oikawa stood and leaned against the wooden post fence that surrounded the edge of the cliff. Iwaizumi hadn’t noticed how tall Oikawa had gotten. As he faced the festival lights he could see his strong limbs clearer and how his shoulders dipped down, almost in a feminine way. He turned around and met Iwaizumi’s eyes, he flicked his head, beckoning Iwaizumi over. 

They stood shoulder to shoulder, looking down at the festival. The people resembling ants. Iwaizumi looked over at Oikawa. His brown eyes reflecting gold in the light, his hair moving in the wind, with his lips slightly parted. He looked beautiful.

“Iwa-chan…” he said, without looking at Iwaizumi. “Do you like Honoka-chan?” 

“Do you like Yuri-chan?” 

Oikawa sighed. “No. Not in the way you’re supposed to.” 

Just as Oikawa opened his mouth to say something fireworks burst through the dark night, fiery blooms amongst the stars. Iwaizumi was less interested in the display than in watching Oikawa's expressions, how they light up his face just as he smiles, like a perfect real life photograph. Iwaizumi brushed a piece of hair out of Oikawa’s face. He wanted to kiss him, he wanted to take his face between his hands and bring their lips together. He didn’t kiss him, instead Oikawa gripped Iwaizumi’s fingers and leaned his head on his shoulder. 

“I don’t want to go back down there.” 

Iwaizumi didn’t say anything, he just leaned his head on top of Oikawa’s, and soaked in the moment. How Oikawa looked, how the sky looked, what Oikawa’s hand felt like against his, the lights from the fireworks and the festival. He didn’t want the night to end. 

What had been almost a half hour, felt like seconds, and Oikawa was letting go of his hand. The firework show was over. Iwaizumi suggested that they should get back down there, the large crowd flooding the exit wasn’t going to make finding Yuri and Honoka any easier. Oikawa didn’t move. 

Iwaizumi tugged on his arm, “C’mon.” 

“I don’t think I like girls, Iwaizumi.” The wind brought a strange silence between them, “And I want to stop lying to Yuri-chan and my parents, and I want to stop lying to you.”  
Iwaizumi didn’t say anything. He felt the same, and he knew that Oikawa’s parents would support any endeavor their son pursued, but Iwaizumi didn’t have that luxury. He could hear his father yelling already. He wanted to just kiss Oikawa, and tell his parents that he didn’t care what they thought. It wasn’t that simple, it’s never that simple. 

“You hate me now don’t you?” Oikawa said with a sad smile. 

“Absolutely not. I care for you Oikawa,” Iwaizumi gritted his teeth, like he often did before he lied, “I’ll support you and whoever you date.” Iwaizumi wondered if it was possible to break your own heart, because he sure as hell just did. 

Oikawa nodded and flashed a smile, “Do you like Honoka-chan?” 

Iwaizumi’s jaw was aching. “Yeah I really do.”

Oikawa nodded again, “Well let’s go find the girls.” 

-  
The walk home was plagued with an awkward silence. Iwaizumi and Honoka walked hand in hand, Yuri had already been dropped off so it left Oikawa as a third wheel. The cicadas were obnoxiously loud and the air was hot and wet, rain was probably coming. They reached Oikawa’s house first.

The goodbye was awkward. Oikawa didn’t look at Honoka.

The pair continued walking with their fingers laced. “Is everything okay with Oikawa-san? Yuri-chan was worried when you both didn’t come back. Where’d you go?”  
Iwaizumi’s stomach formed a knot, “We couldn’t find you guys, there were so many people.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. 

Honoka hummed in agreement, “Did you like the fireworks?” 

“Yeah, I really did.” He tried to recreate the moment in his mind, it felt so far away. 

Honoka squeezed Iwaizumi’s hand, “I wanted to watch them with you.”

“Yeah… me too.” 

She stopped walking and stood in front of him, her green eyes seeming dull under the night sky. “Iwaizumi-kun, I really like you.”  
“Yeah. I like you too.” She smiled widely and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. He lightly placed his arms around her waist. She leaned up and placed her lips on Iwaizumi’s. It took strength not to pull away, he tried to seem like he was enjoying it as much as she was. This was his first kiss, he clumsily moved his lips as an attempt. When they broke apart she was giggling and bright red. As the continued to walk Honoka talked on about the night’s events, not paying the slightest attention if Iwaizumi was listening or not. 

When Iwaizumi came home his father was in the kitchen reading. “How was the festival? You went with Honoka-chan right?” Iwaizumi faked a smile and nodded.  
“Yeah, it was a lot of fun.” His father set down the book he was reading, “I know that look. Did you kiss her?” Iwaizumi bit his lip and shrugged. His father laughed.  
When he washed his face that night, he felt like he wanted to rub his whole face off – to get anything off that she might have left. He had rubbed his lips raw by the time he was done and he could not ignore the guilt in the pit of his stomach.


	4. It's All My Fault

Oikawa broke up with Yuri a week after that night and he never brought up his sexuality again. Iwaizumi continued to date Honoka and before he knew it, they’d be graduating in a few months. The team had been practicing their hearts out for the fall prelims but lost to Karasuno. The loss hurt Iwaizumi, this was his last game with the team, his last game of high school, and his last game with Oikawa. He had cried on the court that day, and Oikawa gave him his upmost support. It wasn’t until that night when the boys were alone in Oikawa’s room that Oikawa began to cry.

They were laying on Iwaizumi’s bed with the legs tangled together, Oikawa’s head was tucked underneath Iwaizumi’s chin with his face pressed into his chest as he cried, and Iwaizumi had his arm wrapped tightly around his back. 

“I’m scared.” Oikawa sobbed.

“I am too.”

“This was my last game. Our last game. We’re going to college soon and we won’t get to see each other. I’m so scared to lose you Iwa-chan!” His body was shaking with sobs and Iwaizumi just pulled him closer, tears pricking his own eyes now. 

“And you’re with Honoka! And you really like her, and I’ll never be someone like that to you! Iwa-chan, I’m tired of lying.”  
Iwaizumi was crying as well, “I-I don’t Oikawa.”

Oikawa looked up at Iwaizumi and sniffed, “What?”

“I don’t feel that way about Honoka… I’m dating her for my parents.” 

He sat up and pulled Oikawa into his lap; autumn rain was pounding on the window with the occasional flash of lightning which lit up Oikawa’s confused face. Iwaizumi brushed his thumbs across Oikawa’s cheeks. “Oikawa I’ve had feelings for you, but my parents, well my dad would never let me be with a guy. When middle school started I started noticing I didn’t like girls. I didn’t want to kiss them or hold their hand, I thought something was wrong. So I asked my dad about it…” 

“Oh Iwa-chan…” Iwaizumi held up a finger.

“And he started yelling at me, telling me that he wasn’t going to have a fag as a son. And that I was going to get sick and die if I liked boys. I started dating Honoka to see if my feelings would change,” he left out the part about being jealous, it was too embarrassing, “but on that night, at the festival, when you held my hand and we watched the fireworks, and I realized that you made me happy. And I wanted to make you happy. I want to hold your hand and kiss you – do everything my dad said I can’t. I don’t believe my feelings are wrong, how could they be?” 

They were both crying when Oikawa hesitantly leaned in, it closed the gap between them. He kissed him and the world washed away with the rain. It was soft and slow, comforting in ways words will never be. Iwaizumi’s hand rested under Oikawa’s ear, his thumb caressing his cheek. Oikawa ran his fingers down Iwaizumi’s spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left between them and he could feel the beating of his heart against his chest. With the blue light coming from the window and the sound of rain, the feeling of the sheets twisted around them and Oikawa pressed against him, Iwaizumi couldn’t think of anything better.

_

They kept their relationship a secret, Iwaizumi continued to date Honoka to hide suspicion, and Oikawa understood. Even though Iwaizumi briskly kissed Honoka good morning on the way to school, he shared passionate ones with Oikawa in the evening. They both decided to still practice with their team until the school year officially ended, they figured it’d be best to keep in shape if they hoped on getting on a college team. 

The locker room became their hideaway. It didn’t take long for them to figure out that being captain and vice-captain was a perfect alibi for staying late; no questions asked. They spent their “captain meetings” exploring, trying to do everything they could before they would be separated and it only made Iwaizumi love Oikawa more, not only that it made him realize how beautiful Oikawa really was. The arch of his back that was decorated in small freckles, the way his hair stuck to his forehead after sweating, how great his chest looked covered in purple marks and bite marks, he was a work of art from head to toe to Iwaizumi. 

One night Iwaizumi came home a little later than expected. Per usual, his father was waiting for him. He beckoned for him to sit down at the table. He shifted his glasses, and licked his lips, “Hajime, what are you doing after you graduate?” 

Iwaizumi was fearing the day he graduated, he didn’t want to leave Oikawa so he was making plans to follow Oikawa wherever he went, “Oh, I don’t know. I want to go to university.” 

His father nodded, “Big university? Somewhere you can keep playing volleyball? Do you want to go pro?” 

Iwaizumi felt like he was being interrogated. “Um…I don’t know if I want to go pro. I want to study medicine, so a school of pharmacy. I’ll probably continue volleyball as a hobby.”

His father linked is hands together and set them on the table; the same way he did when Iwaizumi was in trouble when he was younger. Iwaizumi’s stomach tightened.

“You’re not leaving Miyagi that’s out of the question. I can’t believe you’re giving up on volleyball,” he clicked his tongue, making a tsk-tsk sound. “There’s no point for you to leave Miyagi if you’re not going pro; you won’t be separated from your girl that way.”

Iwaizumi was under the impression that he would move away when he graduated, a perfect way to let go of Honoka without causing a huge problem, but now his father was taking that away. “Dad I don’t want to stay here; I want to go to Tokyo. They have the best universities in the country and I think it will be better for-”

His father cut him off, “You think it will be better. You don’t know it will be. You are still young and dumb, your head swimming with naïve ideas that will never work- “

“You’re wrong! I’m graduating in two months and I’m set with my plans whether you support me or not!” 

His father smirked, “What about your girl? You’re going to leave that all behind? A perfect life, a wife and kids settled in their hometown… what more could you want? Your mother and I did that and we turned out just fine!” 

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and stood from the table. “You and mom only married because she was young and you had a stable job! I don’t think you ever loved each other!” 

Iwaizumi’s mom emerged from the bedroom, “Hajime, what’s wrong?” 

“He thinks he can control my life! Like he did with yours Mom! I know you wanted to become a teacher but who held you back? I remember you suggesting a sibling for me, but who didn’t want one? You had so many dreams; I have so many dreams! And I’m not going to through them away because he doesn’t like them. Fuck that.” 

“Hajime…” 

“No, I don’t care about leaving this place, I don’t care about leaving Honoka because whether you like it or not I like boys.” His father stood up as well, his face all scrunched and he pointed at Iwaizumi with a shaky finger. 

“I will not have my son running around kissing boys and catching diseases!” 

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, “That’s such bullshit, Dad and you know it!” his voice reaching the intensity of his father’s. “It doesn’t even matter, I’m leaving whether you like it or not!”  
“What boys you’ve been kissing Hajime?” his words were venomous as he spit them, “Was it that boy, Oikawa?” 

Something snapped inside Iwaizumi the moment he heard those words, he quickly reached across the table and grabbed his father’s collar, “You leave him out of this!” His father’s face was red as he raised his hand to hit Iwaizumi, his mother caught his arm, shielding her son. Iwaizumi stormed into his room but before he could shut the door his father had taken him by the shoulder and began to shake him violently. 

“If I see you both together ever again I swear to God I will…” Iwaizumi stopped listening to his father’s threats all he could think about is how he has put Oikawa in danger, and it was his own fault.

_

For the next week Iwaizumi tried to gather his thoughts on what he would say to Oikawa. It wasn’t until Oikawa had pulled him into the locker room after practice he knew he had to say something. He sat down on one of the benches and looked at his feet. 

“Iwa-chan, what’s wrong?” Oikawa asked and kissed his cheek. 

“Oikawa I can’t-we can’t do this anymore.” His hands were shaking along with his voice. 

Oikawa took a step back, “What? What do you mean?” 

“We can’t be together,” he saw Oikawa’s eyes fill with tears, “my dad said he was going to hurt you if you were with me and I don’t want that.” 

Oikawa wiped his face, “I see.” He smiled sadly. 

Iwaizumi wrapped his arms around him, “I’m so sorry.” 

Oikawa shook his head, “Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.” 

Iwaizumi’s heart lurched forward, he felt sick but he loosened his grip on Oikawa. “Yeah, maybe it wasn’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !(•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑ i apologize ~ teamtobio.tumblr.com


	5. Guess Who

Graduation came silently. Iwaizumi had saw Oikawa at graduation, he didn’t say hello. He managed to convince his mother to let him move to Tokyo, it took some time but he managed to do it. Tokyo was insanely large to Iwaizumi; it took him about a month to memorize the subway route on his way to school. College wasn’t much different to Iwaizumi; it was high school but with more freedom. He enjoyed it nonetheless. His first year was a blur of studying and bad experiences with drinking, it was also sleepless nights missing Oikawa, and staring at his contact name; it was typing out messages he would never send and watching college volleyball games, his eyes glued to the screen as he watched Oikawa serve and play. He glowed when he played and how Iwaizumi missed those days he played on the same court as him. He wondered if Oikawa thought about him too. 

Iwaizumi had decided to room with two people that he had met playing volleyball at a local court. They all went to separate universities but it sure as hell helped with the rent. Kuroo was a chemistry major who worked part time in a lab for experience, Bokuto was majoring in engineering and got monthly pensions from his parents, and Iwaizumi, as desired, was learning medicine and was working at the same lab as Kuroo. The lab was the two’s home away from home, considering how many hours they spent there. The apartment was filled with papers, mathematical equations scribbled on sticky notes, and empty beakers that Kuroo had categorized as ‘not dangerous…. OR ARE THEY?????’ written on them in sharpie. 

On the few days the three did have a day off together, they would go meet up with Bokuto’s boyfriend, Akaashi. He was a great setter but didn’t have the communication abilities that Oikawa had. Iwaizumi had to remind himself to stop thinking about him. They had a great time playing but that had too much fun clubbing. Iwaizumi was usually the designated sober friend as Bokuto and Kuroo didn’t mix with alcohol too well, it usually ended up with Bokuto badly dancing with Akaashi and Kuroo picking a hot stranger to either bring home or go home with. Iwaizumi didn’t mind, his heart belonged to someone and loved seeing his friends happy. 

On the first winter weekend of his second year Iwaizumi was slammed with work. Kuroo and Bokuto had begged him to go out, “C’mon man! We need our designated walker, it’s going to be Akaashi and he love tequila…” Bokuto groaned, laying by Iwaizumi’s feet. “Please~” 

Iwaizumi stepped over him, carrying a mug of coffee. “No, Bokuto I have to work, I’m sorry.” 

Bokuto sighed but got up in defeat. Kuroo laughed and opened the door, “Let’s go Bo.” 

Iwaizumi waved them goodbye and sat down at his desk. He rubbed his temples as he typed away at his computer. The essay was due in a day and he had no idea where he was going with it. He looked down at his notes and sighed, the words seemed to blur together. He remembered how Oikawa used to help him study. He used to press the flash cards to Iwaizumi’s forehead, as if to imprint the information onto Iwaizumi’s brain. 

“I know you know this one Iwa-chan!” he would lean in close to Iwaizumi’s face and pout until he remembered.

He steadily typed the essay, glancing at his phone every so often to make sure Kuroo and Bokuto hadn’t died. Soon enough it was getting late so Iwaizumi decided to stop for the night, he could finish it before class in the morning. He closed the tab to his essay and browsed his social media. He had a few notifications but one caught his eye, it was sharing photos from two years ago, he clicked on it and Oikawa’s face was displayed. It was a few selfies Oikawa had taken on Iwaizumi’s phone, he was making dorky faces and throwing up his signature peace sign. Iwaizumi was in the last two, in the first he looked quite confused but in the second he was smiling, a genuine smile. Iwaizumi leaned back in his chair and closed the tab. It had been two years and they hadn’t spoken. Was he okay? Does he miss me? Has he found someone else? I miss him so much. 

Iwaizumi ended up falling asleep at his desk but was awoken by the sound of someone fumbling with the door. He glanced up and saw two blurry figures holding hands and headed towards Kuroo’s room. Iwaizumi was too tired to care so he turned his head and fell back asleep. He woke up again with a pen pressing into his cheek, he groggily sat up and rubbed at his cheek. He glanced at the clock, it was a little past three. He rubbed his eyes and walked into his bedroom. He pulled off his shirt and laid down in his bed. He soon realized this was a mistake as he could hear everything happening in the room next to his. He hastily put his earbuds in and put on some music; he made a mental note to kick Kuroo’s ass in the morning when he guest had left.

-

The morning sun beamed through the window as Iwaizumi woke up. It was almost nine and Iwaizumi’s stomach was growling, he remembered the donuts Bokuto had brought home and hurried out of his room. He opened the box and said a silent thank you to Bokuto, he was basically responsible for the food that wasn’t take out. As he finished the donut and began to brew some coffee Kuroo quietly came out of his room. His hair was more disheveled than usual which made Iwaizumi laugh. “So I’m guessing you got very lucky.” 

Kuroo smirked and grabbed a mug off the counter, “he was amazing. Amazing body, kinda snarky and has a know-it-all attitude but if you look past that,” he made the okay symbol with his hand and shook it in the air. Iwaizumi laughed again and poured coffee into each of their mugs. They leaned on the counter and chatted quietly, waiting for the guest to make their grand appearance. 

“So what’s his name?” Iwaizumi asked. 

Kuroo opened his mouth to answer but the bedroom door opened, “Well speak of the devil.” 

Iwaizumi turned around to see a kiss red Oikawa Tooru staring back at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK, BACK AGAIN. sorry this chapter is kind of short but i didnt want to drag it on !  
> teamtobio.tumblr.com ಠ_ಠ


	6. I Can't Fix What Happened Before

Iwaizumi didn’t know who was going to walk out that door, but he definitely wasn’t expecting Oikawa Tooru. Oikawa looked equally surprised but he quickly jeered his eyes away, looked at Kuroo, and smiled. Kuroo handed him a cup of coffee, Iwaizumi felt his insides burning trying to keep his eyes off Oikawa. God, what did I do to do deserve this, Iwaizumi asked himself. Kuroo finally broke the silence, “So…uh, this is my friend Oikawa Tooru.” 

Oikawa stuck out his hand, Iwaizumi couldn’t believe he was shaking his lifelong friend’s hand, “Iwaizumi.” 

They quietly sipped at their coffees. It was awkward to say the least. Kuroo was confused as to why, but he didn’t ask. He excused himself to go shower, leaving Oikawa and Iwaizumi alone. When they heard the shower turn on it was immediate argumentative whispering. 

“What that fuck, Oikawa!?” Iwaizumi snapped.

“What was I supposed to say? Oh sorry Kuroo-san, I know this guy! He popped my cherry back in high school. Small world!” 

“I did a lot more than that…” Iwaizumi said into his cup. 

“Shut up!” Oikawa rubbed his temples, “We aren’t going to fix anything by bickering. Are we telling him or not?” 

“Telling who what?” Bokuto groggily said from the door. “I just want an aspirin and a nap.”

Iwaizumi slapped his hand on his forehead. “This is perfect.” Iwaizumi knew it wouldn’t take long for Bokuto to figure things out, even with his hangover.  
Bokuto slumped onto the couch, “What’s happening? You guys know each other?” he rubbed his head.

“You could say that,” Oikawa smirked. Iwaizumi slightly hit the back of his head, “You’re so mean, Iwa-chan!” 

Bokuto laughed, “You definitely know each other. And let me guess, Kuroo doesn’t know.” 

Iwaizumi nodded.

“Well, good luck to you both, I’m going to bed.” Oikawa’s eyes grew wide.

“Is he serious right now?!” 

Iwaizumi sighed, “It would seem so.” 

Oikawa pulled on his bottom lip and looked at Iwaizumi, “We…we should catch up.” 

Iwaizumi felt his cheeks heating up. My dad he isn’t here, this is okay. “Yeah, we should.”

“Then, do you want to get coffee? Tomorrow maybe?”

Iwaizumi nodded his head, “Tomorrow sounds good.” 

Iwaizumi noticed Oikawa looking behind him so he turned around. Kuroo was leaned against the bathroom doorframe, smirking. “Long lost lovers reunited,” he fluttered his eyelashes at the pair, “Makes my heart melt.”

Oikawa laughed lightly but Iwaizumi picked up the dishtowel and threw it at Kuroo. It landed perfectly over his face causing Oikawa to break out in hysterics. Oikawa pulled off the towel, “One-time thing?” 

Kuroo put up his hands like he was surrendering, “That’s all it was.” Iwaizumi was dumbfounded; how did they just agree like that? Either Oikawa was cockier than he remembered or Kuroo was more lenient with casual sex than his chemistry equations.

_

Oikawa had promised to meet Iwaizumi at one; at one-thirty Iwaizumi was still standing outside in the cold. He checked his phone again and again; no messages. He exhaled and watched his breath turn white in the air, he was going to wait ten more minutes. Suddenly, he saw Oikawa bouncing down the sidewalk. He was almost sprinting when he reached Iwaizumi. He leaned his hands on his knees and looked down causing his green beanie to fall onto the sidewalk. 

“I’m so sorry, Iwa-chan~” he panted heavily, “My car wouldn’t start and my phone is dead. Today’s a mess.” 

Iwaizumi shrugged and scooped up his hat, “It’s fine.” He messily put the hat back on Oikawa’s hair, he felt his heart jump at the site of Oikawa’s smiling face, his cheeks a baby pink peeking out from under his scarf. He tried to shake the feeling, “Let’s go in.” 

Oikawa rubbed his hands together, Yes, I’m dying for something warm right now!” 

The tiny café was huddled despondent among the huge city buildings. The half a dozen customers glanced up as the door swung open, heralded by a blast of cold wind. Unlike the outside, the interior of the café was warm and cheery, with bright lights and colorful walls. The customers returned to their conversations as the door swung closed behind the new entrants and the cold breeze was forgotten.

Oikawa glided into one of the booths nestled in the corner, he laid a few bills on the table. “A caramel macchiato, no whip.” Iwaizumi pushed back the bills.

“No, my treat.” 

Oikawa pushed the bills back towards Iwaizumi, “No. Please let me pay.” 

“No, Oikawa.” He shoved the bills back. 

Oikawa huffed, and put the bills back in his wallet. “Fine…thank you.” 

Iwaizumi ordered the coffees and came back to sit with Oikawa. The both took small sips. 

“So…what have you been up too? Besides hooking up with my roommate?” Iwaizumi teased. 

Oikawa rolled his eyes, “One-time thing!” he gripped his coffee cup, “But studying and playing volleyball mostly. And for a matter of fact, I hadn’t had sex in two years until last night so hah!” 

“Do you want a round of applause?”

“Yes.” Oikawa leaned back looking triumphant. 

“Well you’re not getting one.” Iwaizumi took a sip of his coffee. 

Oikawa giggled. “What about you Iwa-chan?” 

“Studying.”

Oikawa leaned across the table, “You’re boring.” 

“Well it’s the truth.” 

“Is Kuroo-san a good roommate?” 

This was mindless chit chat, Iwaizumi knew Oikawa too well, he wanted to ask but was to scared. Oikawa drew shapes on the window. He drew a small alien and some stars. “Iwa-chan, you know you broke my heart right?” 

Iwaizumi looked down at his coffee, he broke Oikawa’s heart. He ruined something that could’ve been because he was scared. Damnit he was still scared, Oikawa had unexpectedly shown up in his life again, and he didn’t want to lose him again. He felt the same way he did at that festival a few years ago, he wanted to say things to make Oikawa stay with him. But yet again, he didn’t say anything. He wanted to hold Oikawa again but he had hurt him, and didn’t want do it again.

“I’m sorry.” 

“Sorry isn’t going to fix it.” 

The words cut Iwaizumi like a knife. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this here.”

Oikawa nodded and slid out of the booth. 

“Where are you going?” 

“Well, we are going to my car, to talk.”  
Iwaizumi followed Oikawa out of the café and down the busy sidewalk. They walked around the block to a line of parked cars. Iwaizumi blew into his hands, “Which one is yours?” Oikawa pointed to a small red car parked about ten feet away. Its windshield was dirty and the tires needed some air but other than that, the car was in pretty good shape. The two climbed in and Oikawa turned on the car in a hurry, warm air soon covering them, making the car somewhat cozy.

“Oikawa…” Iwaizumi drew in a breath, “There hasn’t been a day I haven’t missed you. I regret the things I did.”

“Why didn’t you call me? Or even message me? I’ve always been just one message away…”

“I wanted to…”

Oikawa’s eyes filled with tears, “But why didn’t you?” 

Iwaizumi’s mind replayed the scene with his father; his threats and how scared he had been, how scared he was now. “I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“Iwaizumi, you already have.” 

Iwaizumi felt sick, he hated this, he wanted to hold Oikawa and say that he was sorry a million times, but he couldn’t. This was going to be an endless cycle of holding onto something and then having to let it go. He ran his thumb across Oikawa’s cheek, “Oikawa… I can’t hurt you again.” He opened the car door and started to get out but Oikawa was holding onto his arm. 

“Iwaizumi don’t leave me again!” his grip tightened, “At least don’t walk away with no intention of ever seeing me again! I can’t throw away my lifelong friend!” Tears were streaming down his cheeks, “Please don’t leave me.” 

Iwaizumi wrapped his arm around Oikawa and brought him into a hug, “I’m sorry Oikawa.” He sobbed onto Iwaizumi’s shoulder. Iwaizumi felt like he and Oikawa had their own world in that car, like nothing could get to them. Iwaizumi pulled away first and exited the car, “I’ll keep in touch I promise.” 

Oikawa reached out his hand with his pinky extended, “Promise?” 

Iwaizumi wrapped his pinky around Oikawa’s. “Promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the most dialouge ive ever wrote its insane (⊙﹏⊙✿)  
> teamtobio.tumblr.com


	7. This Is How I Want Things To Be

Oikawa texted Iwaizumi a few days after and, in total Oikawa fashion, he didn’t mention anything.  
>> iwa-chan my work is piling up~~ (੭ ˃̣̣̥ ㅂ˂̣̣̥)੭ु  
>>then work on some of it  
>>Its soooo boring ! (;´Д`)  
>> well work some and then you can come over and watch a movie. bokuto brought his bf and im bored. 7 sound ok ?  
>> SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN! SEE U SOON 

Iwaizumi laughed at Oikawa’s excessive use of emoticons and set his phone aside. He walked out into the living room where Bokuto and Akaashi were miraculously seated together on the recliner despite how large they actually were. Bokuto was blabbering away about going to an owl exhibit while Akaashi smiled softly, listening attentively. Iwaizumi cleared his throat to get their attention. 

“I have a friend coming over in a few, do you want to pick out the movie?” 

Bokuto opened his mouth but Akaashi quickly covered it with his hand, “I don’t think your friend wants to watch a three-hour documentary on owls, so maybe an action movie?”  
Iwaizumi gave him a thumbs up and went into the kitchen. He made some popcorn and filled a bowl with chips, he set them on the coffee table. Immediately Bokuto went to reach for the popcorn but Iwaizumi hit his hand. “Wait until the movie.” Akaashi laughed. 

“Kuroo lets me eat the popcorn before the movie…” Bokuto pouted. 

“Well Kuroo is visiting his parents so he isn’t here,” Akaashi replied. 

Bokuto sighed and hid his face behind a pillow. 

Soon after the doorbell rang, Iwaizumi quickly looked in the mirror and ruffled his hair. He opened the door, “Hello hello hello~” Oikawa cooed as he took off his scarf, “I’m freezing!” 

“Well we have a functioning heating system.” Iwaizumi mentally kicked himself, of course they had a heating system, what was he saying. 

Oikawa greeted everyone politely in the living and took a seat on one corner of the couch, Iwaizumi sat on the opposite end. Iwaizumi wasn’t really watching the movie, he didn’t follow the plot he was too busy glancing between Oikawa and Bokuto and Akaashi. Bokuto had his arm firmly around Akaashi’s waist while Akaashi had his arms around Bokuto’s neck, they looked so comfortable. Iwaizumi wanted to hold Oikawa like that. Oikawa had brought his knees to chest and was staring at the TV, he was almost frozen, Iwaizumi noticed he was staring and looked away. 

The movie ended soon after Bokuto started snoring, Akaashi apologized for him and half carried, half dragged Bokuto to bed. Oikawa laughed behind his hand. “They seem really nice.”

The comment caught Iwaizumi off guard, “Oh…uh, yeah they’re pretty okay.”

“Pretty okay?” 

Iwaizumi laughed a little, “Yeah. Pretty okay.” 

Oikawa clapped his hands together, “Well thank you for having me over, the movie was good!” 

“Oh yeah of course, anytime!” 

Iwaizumi opened the door for him, “See you later.” 

Oikawa smiled and waved, “Yeah see you later Iwa-chan!” He closed the door. 

Iwaizumi began to tidy up the living room, he put away the left over chips, threw away the popcorn, and fixed the pillows. He noticed crumbs surrounding the chair, he sighed, it never fails with Bokuto. He reluctantly got out the small purple vacuum Kuroo had brought home one day. It always sparked when it was plugged in and made a lot of clanging noises. He didn’t ask where he got it, he didn’t want to know. He hastily vacuumed before the doorbell rang unexpectedly. Maybe Kuroo came home early and forgot his keys.  
“Surprise~” Oikawa said when the door opened. He was covered in snow and his face was red from the cold. “My car’s a piece of trash and won’t start.” 

Iwaizumi shook his head, “This would only happen to you.” He let him in.

Oikawa shrugged, “I guess so.” 

Oikawa plopped down on the couch. “Thank you for letting me stay here!” He grabbed the throw blanket that Iwaizumi folded moments before and threw it over himself.  
“What was I going to do? Let you freeze to death in the snow?” 

“Maybe,” he smirked. 

Iwaizumi handed Oikawa an extra pillow. “You’ll be fine on the couch?”

Oikawa gave him a thumbs up. Iwaizumi smiled, “Okay, well I’m going to bed.” 

“Goodnight Iwa-chan…”

Iwaizumi felt his heart churn, he remembered Oikawa mumbling quiet goodnights over the phone when they were still in high school. “Yeah, good night.” He hurried into his bedroom and climbed into bed. Despite Oikawa being back in Iwaizumi’s life, he still missed him. He pulled the blanket over his head and fell into a dreamless sleep.  
Iwaizumi hadn’t been asleep long when he heard his bedroom door creak open, “Iwa-chan…” 

“Hmm.”

“I’m freezing in the living room. Can I camp out on the floor in here?” 

Iwaizumi rolled over to the opposite side of the bed and lifted the cover, “Get in.” 

“No, its fine- “ 

“Just get in!” 

He felt the bed dip down when Oikawa got in. They laid with their backs to each other, Iwaizumi knew Oikawa wasn’t sleeping, he was fidgeting every so often. “I’ll kick you out if you don’t lay still.” Oikawa laughed lightly. “I’m not kidding.” 

Oikawa fell asleep first, Iwaizumi heard his breathing even out and heard him mumble every so often. He propped himself up on one elbow and looked at him. His mouth was slightly parted and he had his arm underneath his head, some of his hair had fallen in front of his eyes. Iwaizumi gently brushed it away. Oikawa had taken Iwaizumi’s heart a long time ago, he had locked it in a cage and threw away the key and Iwaizumi was alright with that, but Iwaizumi had broken Oikawa’s and he knew that as long as he was scared of breaking it again, he could never fix it. Iwaizumi twirled a piece of Oikawa’s hair between his fingers.

This, Iwaizumi thought, this is how I want things to be. The boy he grew up with, who he watched grow and change, laying right next to him sound asleep. He wanted to curl up next to Oikawa and hold him in his arms. He sighed and turned away from Oikawa, his heart beating loudly.

“I’m sorry Tooru.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaah pining is great  
> teamtobio.tumblr.com


	8. Don't Think You're Alone

Oikawa’s hands hovered over Iwaizumi, he was humming and leant down to kiss him and he mumbled something into Iwaizumi’s ear but he couldn’t hear him clearly, he whispered again but then there was OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD SINGING. Iwaizumi groaned, he was dreaming. He rubbed his face, it had been awhile since he had a dream that vivid. He rolled over to wake Oikawa but he was already gone. Light was barely shining through the windows; why did he leave so early? 

The bad singing wasn’t going to let Iwaizumi sleep and he was curious as to why Oikawa had left so early. He rubbed his eyes and left the bedroom only to be greeted by more singing from Bokuto. He was in the kitchen singing into a wooden spoon and swaying his hips to the dramatic music. "OOOH OOH OOOooooh-” his voice cracked on the last note when he turned around and his eyes met Iwaizumi’s. His face was as red as his shorts, well Kuroo’s shorts. Iwaizumi sighed internally, they had to do laundry. “Oh hi, Iwaizumi…” he set down the spoon and turned off the radio. 

“Was that a French song?” Iwaizumi sat down on the couch. 

Bokuto rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “Maybe.” 

Iwaizumi laughed a little, “When is Kuroo coming back?” 

Bokuto hopped onto the counter and twirled his hair between his finger, it was odd to see him without his signature spiked to hell hair, but somehow it was refreshing to see him in such a relaxed state. Bokuto was usually scrambling around the apartment, working on projects for school or bouncing off the walls because he didn’t have anything to do. Akaashi bought him a small cube that had all sorts of buttons and switches for him to fidget with. Iwaizumi thought they made a perfect pair, they had this odd type of balance that was perfect for them. Even though Akaashi gave off a calm, no nonsense aura, Iwaizumi had definitely seen Akaashi drunk more than once, and his decency completely is thrown out the window; Bokuto on the other hand becomes very quiet and ready to cry at the drop of a hat. It didn’t happen often when they all went out drinking, but when it did, it always took Iwaizumi off guard. 

As if on cue, the door swung open. Kuroo had a bag slung over his shoulder with his winter coat resting atop it, his shirt was threadbare and frayed at the cuffs, it looked at least a size too big, sort of like a hand me down from an older brother. His shoes wire neatly tied but his socks didn’t match, his hair was pushed back by a pair of sunglasses. He gave the duo a set of finger guns and a shit eating grin, “I’m back bitches.” 

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes but Bokuto basically jumped off the counted and collided with his friend with a rib breaking hug. He lifted his friend as if he wasn’t 166 pounds of lankiness and spun him. “You’ve returned!” 

“He was gone for a week…”

Kuroo mimicked immense sobbing. “I thought I wouldn’t survive the war! The rural lands…” 

“You were in the suburbs!” 

Eventually Kuroo and Bokuto stopped being dramatic and Bokuto left to go to school. Kuroo made himself something to eat and plopped down next to Iwaizumi. “How was your trip?”

Kuroo smiled. “It was good! It was nice seeing family and friends. Something sentimental about going back to place you grew up at. Makes you think,” he pulled a stray string off his jeans, “how trivial your problems were. You who disliked, who you liked, who you had a crush on. Thinking exams were going to be the end of the world.” He let out a relief sigh and had a sad smile on his face. “Have you ever been heartbroken?” 

Iwaizumi shifted a little in his seat, “Yeah.” 

Kuroo nodded, “I caught up with my friend. He’s doing really good for himself, he didn’t go to college instead he works for the government from home. How cool is that?” 

“That is pretty nice.” 

“Yeah, he’s way cooler than me now. I mean he has always been cool but now, he’s making a living and has an outlook on life and someone he can share it with,” Kuroo frowned, “Is it okay to love someone you can’t have? Is it okay to be okay with them being happy but you never will be?” 

Tears were forming in Kuroo’s eyes but he quickly wiped them away on the back of his hand. Iwaizumi knew exactly what Kuroo was feeling but he couldn’t form any words to comfort his friend, how could he when he didn’t even know how to comfort himself. He wrapped his arm around Kuroo’s shaking shoulders and the two sat and found solace in the silence without either knowing exactly what the other was feeling. The way he was holding Kuroo reminded Iwaizumi of the day his mother took him to college. 

They were sat in his mom’s car speeding down the highway. Boxes filled with Iwaizumi’s belongings shook in the backseat of the car every time there was a bump in the road; he hoped nothing was broken. His mother’s hazel eyes that were identical to her sons were glued to the road, he fingers gripped the steering wheel, her knuckles were white.

Iwaizumi rubbed her arm, “Are you okay?” 

She relaxed her shoulders slightly, “Yeah. Just a mom thing, I’m seeing my son off.” Her voice quivered a bit. “I’m going to miss you a lot.” 

Iwaizumi squeezed her hand. He loved his mom so much. She supported her son and only showed him undying love, in a way he felt sorry for her. She was always put down for being a stay home mom, but to Iwaizumi that was the hardest but most rewarding job in the world, and he can’t thank her enough for everything she did for him. Was it making him something special or just a kiss on the cheek before he walked out the door in the morning. He called his mother every two weeks exactly, he was happy to talk to her and ask how she was doing. She wouldn’t complain at all and she wouldn’t bring up his father; she supported her son but understood her husband’s standing and didn’t want to hurt Iwaizumi by bringing it up.

Even before Iwaizumi came out to his parents, his father treated him poorly. When he was younger he and his father were inseparable. They would go out biking and stop for lunch together, in the summer evenings they would sit outside and try to catch bugs; with each new bug Iwaizumi caught his father would teach him what it was and ruffle his hair. Iwaizumi would often pull his father from his office to play some backyard volleyball, his father only played in middle school but passed down his passion onto his son; when Iwaizumi learned Oikawa had an interest in volleyball as well he would run down the streets, volleyball in hand, to get his best friend to play with him. After Iwaizumi began middle school his father changed. He didn’t talk as much; he didn’t want to help his son with anything. Once Iwaizumi was struggling with his math homework and his father said he would help him; after a brief explanation of the problem, Iwaizumi still didn’t understand. His father angrily pushed away from the table and yelled loudly that he couldn’t help that that his son was stupid. That one moment scarred Iwaizumi, he felt the disappointment billowing off his father. He ran to his room and slammed the door shut. He cried that night, thinking he would never be good enough for his father. He did everything to please him.

He worked harder than he ever had at both volleyball and school. Iwaizumi stayed up for nights on end studying for tests and committing everything he had during the practices. He managed to be in advanced classes and secured a spot on the team when high school came. His mother was beyond proud of her son, his father barely glanced over the paper and simply nodded. It struck a nerve within him, he slammed down the paper in front of his father, screaming that everything he did was for him. Tears were pouring down his cheeks, “Why don’t you care?!” His father brushed past him and said over his shoulder that Iwaizumi needed to work for himself, a son was meant to be obedient but they must work for themselves. Iwaizumi called him a hypocrite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY THIS IS A BIT LATE I HAD SO MUCH WORK buuuuuuuuuuuut here it is !!!!  
> teamtobio.tumblr.com


	9. Remember

Iwaizumi dreamt that night; he dreamt about a day back in high school; then it was a normal day, but now it meant something to him. It was an early summer day and Iwaizumi walked between the trees near his house. He had taken off his shoes; the earth beneath his bare feet was hot from the scorching sun. He loosened his school tie and attempted to pull his shirt off of his drenched back. For a moment he rested his forehead against on the nearby trees, the tough bark pricking into his skin. He hadn’t been walking long but he was already drenched in sweat and regretted he hadn’t brought anything to drink. 

He continued down the small path that had been worn over the years Iwaizumi had traveled it. The grass brushed against his legs as he walked, the air was filled with the sounds of the birds’ singing and the soft humming of cicadas. He ducked under one of the low hanging branches as he entered the thicker part of the woods. The wet heat made the woods seem more closed off, but he was grateful for the shade the foliage provided. He eventually reached his destination. A low hanging cherry blossom tree nestled at the edge of the woods, about a hundred meters from where the road started. Between the road and the tree was a small hill hiding the woods, its grass a light brown from a lack of rain. Iwaizumi let out a sigh of relief. 

He sat leaned against one of the low hanging branches and hung his tie next to him. He enjoyed listening to the birds and watching some of the wildlife scurry back in forth. He was twisting a leaf between his fingers when a voice chirped from behind him, “I knew I’d find you here!” 

Oikawa bounced down the path with his hands in his pockets; his tie had been discarded and his pants were rolled up to his knees, revealing a crescent shaped scar cupping his knee. He pushed back his hair and stood next to Iwaizumi. The shadows of the leaves casted shapes over his face, the summer sunshine highlighted his soft features and made his dark eyes reflect almost a golden color. Oikawa hoisted himself atop the branch, his arms were still thin but when he strained slightly Iwaizumi could see the shadow of a growing muscle. Iwaizumi could feel his face getting hot. He turned away. 

“Remember how we found this tree?” Oikawa hummed. 

“Yeah. We lost our way and found this and you said that we could get married here, because of the cherry blossoms…”   
Oikawa jerked suddenly, “You remember that!” His face was red.

Iwaizumi laughed, “Of course I do. You held onto my leg when I started to run away and I fell and hit my nose on a rock.” 

“That’s right,” Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi, his eyes danced over him, “You have a leaf in your hair.” He reached over and carefully plucked it from his hair. His hand lingered a moment but retracted it as quickly as it came. “All better!” he smiled.

Iwaizumi thought the crinkles beside his eyes resembled the lines of a leaf, in a way it made him look older but with his naïve smile, he was ageless. Iwaizumi brought his hand to Oikawa’s jaw and pulled him closer, their lips clumsily fell upon each other. It was only the second time they had kissed and Iwaizumi didn’t want to rush things. Soon enough Iwaizumi wrapped his hand around Oikawa’s slender waist and pulled him closer. Their mouths opened under each other and Iwaizumi had no other choice to drink him in. Oikawa pulled away with his eyes still closed, he undid the first few buttons of his shirt. Iwaizumi immediately turned away. Oikawa laughed. 

“There’s a stream near here, let’s go swimming!” 

Oikawa had stripped down to his underwear and was waiting for Iwaizumi to follow his example. He had seen this boy half naked countless of times throughout his life. Their mothers’ used to wash them together in the bath when they were young, they had swum together each summer, and they had seen each other change for practice. But now, it was different. Iwaizumi’s eyes took in every detail. The curve of his calves, the way his hair stuck out behind his ears, how he pulled his lip, the soft skin and his feather veined hands. Iwaizumi felt insignificant to Oikawa when it came to appearance. His was broad and his skin was blemished and red in some places, he had large callused hands and thick fingers he had inherited from his father, he had smaller eyes and cutting jaw line. Oikawa’s features were soft, almost like a girl’s, especially his large eyes and equally long lashes, Iwaizumi felt like a brick next to a carefully crafted marble statue. Oikawa winked and continued towards the destination. 

The stream was cold but not unpleasantly so. The water felt amazing on Iwaizumi’s sun stricken skin. Oikawa floated on his back, barely moving his hands to keep him from sinking. Iwaizumi saw this as an opportunity. He slid his hands underneath Oikawa’s back and quickly lifted him over his shoulder. Oikawa screamed as Iwaizumi tossed him back into the water with a mighty splash. He emerged laughing and pushing his hair off his forehead. Iwaizumi was laughing too. He saw Oikawa running awkwardly towards him, he turned and tried to avoid his grasp. The water tugged on his legs and slowed him down. Oikawa jumped onto his back and swung his arm through the water, covering Iwaizumi with water. Iwaizumi knelt down and submerged them both. They both stayed down for a while, when they came up for air, both were red-faced but still laughing.   
They swam until it began to get dark. The hoisted themselves onto the bank and laid side-by-side in the soft grass. Iwaizumi pulled on his shirt again but left it open, to which Oikawa did the same. They watched the clouds in the pink sky; Oikawa pointed to a few and told Iwaizumi that were shaped like sheep, or turtle. He went on for a while, Iwaizumi never looked away. He picked a few dandelions and weaved them into Oikawa’s hair. He laughed, “These are weeds Iwa-chan!” 

Iwaizumi shrugged and proceeded to put them in his hair, “They are still pretty.” 

Oikawa smiled, like Iwaizumi hoped he would. “I want to stay like this forever.” He laced his hands with Iwaizumi’s and kissed each of his knuckles. “I’ve wanted this for a long time.” Iwaizumi felt his face flush. Oikawa rolled over and laid his head on Iwaizumi’s chest, he wrapped an arm around him. Iwaizumi brushed his lips against his. He wanted to stay like this too. He rubbed circles on Oikawa’s exposed back. He didn’t know if to call this love, even if it wasn’t, he wanted to feel this forever. The feeling of Oikawa’s hair brushing against his chin, his steady breathing, and how Oikawa’s fingers gripped his own so tightly. 

“Yes, this is truly perfect.” Iwaizumi said finally.

He felt Oikawa form a smile. They watched the evening clouds in silence until the first stars started to prick the sky. Oikawa pointed out a constellation that was visible. Iwaizumi hummed in agreement. He stood to his feet and pulled Oikawa up. “What are you doing?” 

Iwaizumi put a finger to his lips. He pulled Oikawa in and lifted their hands. “Are we dancing Iwa-chan?” Iwaizumi smiled as he began to sway back and forth. They danced in a small circle, without any music. Only the sounds of the crickets and the rushing of the stream. Their feet stumbled over each other’s which was always followed by a hushed sorry and soft laughter. He spun Oikawa slowly and pulled him back in, closing the gap between them. Oikawa leaned his head on Iwaizumi’s shoulder. They stayed like that ages, at least, that’s what it felt like to Iwaizumi. The moon was high when they broke apart. “We should get going…” Oikawa said with sad eyes. 

“Yeah…we should.”

They both dressed silently but on the walk back to their neighborhood hand in hand. When they reached Oikawa’s back yard, he pecked him goodbye and waited for him to go inside. He rubbed his face before continuing on his way. His house was empty when he arrived, he had forgotten that his parents had gone to visit his aunt’s. He took a shower and as he laid down that night there was a loud clap of thunder and a flash of lightning. Iwaizumi rolled up his blinds to watch the summer storm cover the sky that was clear moments ago. He loved summer storms, it reminded him of how temporary things were. How even though things got stormy there was always a promised sunny sky in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff long awaited!   
> teamtobio.tumblr.com


	10. Confused?

The dream lingered with Iwaizumi for a few weeks. He wanted to know of Oikawa remembered that day as vividly as he did. He didn’t ask. The two texted every so often but Iwaizumi managed to learn a bit about what kind of person Oikawa has grown into. He was studying astronomy and lived alone in an apartment that his parents bought him. He burned food every time he has tried to make a proper meal and when he skyped he looked at Iwaizumi not at himself. Iwaizumi found it endearing. And sooner rather than later, Iwaizumi had found himself at one of Oikawa’s matches. Kuroo tagged along uninvited but Iwaizumi didn’t really mind. 

They sat close to the railing so they would have a clear shot of the match and the players. The match hadn’t started yet but both teams were running warm ups. Iwaizumi skimmed the small crowd of black and white jerseys until his eyes found the number fourteen; not they he could mistake him with the knee brace and pompous attitude he always had on the court. Even though it got annoying Iwaizumi had to admit, it did make the opponents run for their money. 

“Oh my god!” Kuroo yelled. He sprung up from his seat and leaned over the railing. Iwaizumi grabbed the back of his coat frantically. 

“You’re going to fall you dumbass!” 

Kuroo ignored him, “Yoo-hoo! Daichi!” He was waving his arms in the air and whistling, his waist wasn’t even in the box anymore and Iwaizumi had convinced himself that he was going to fall and break his neck. 

“I’ve always knew you’d die in a stupid way!”

Iwaizumi watched the former captain turn around sheepishly. His face was red and he looked slightly agitated, he waved slightly. 

“I didn’t know Sawamura-san was on the same team as Oikawa!” Kuroo said. He plopped back down in his seat. Iwaizumi was relieved. 

“Yeah he does. And he’s a fierce player I’ll tell you.”

“Fiercer than in high school? Damn.” 

The whistle blew and the match begun. Not to Iwaizumi’s surprise, Oikawa made his presence hard to ignore. His tosses were excellent, not one mess up, and the spikers seemed to glow after breaking through the blocks or avoiding them all together. Iwaizumi felt a pang of jealously. He missed how it felt to spike a ball and it slamming against the floor, just out of the opponent’s reach. He watched Oikawa preform a successful dump shot, his jersey slipped to the side a bit revealing part of his shoulder. He caught a glimpse of a tattoo. Iwaizumi rubbed over the small stud in his ear, “Now aren’t we a bunch of punks.” 

They met Oikawa after the match. Kuroo gave him a high five and a wink. Iwaizumi just smiled. “You did a great job out there.” Oikawa smiled and ruffled his hair.   
“Thanks! Do you guys want to get something to eat? I’m starving!” 

Dinner was good, they ate too much and proceeded to drink too much. Iwaizumi leaned back into his chair, he felt warm and content he enjoyed the food and the laughs shared between the three of them. Oikawa was laughing at something Kuroo had said when he leaned into to kiss him. Iwaizumi looked away. Kuroo glanced at Iwaizumi for a moment but kissed him anyway. Iwaizumi sighed and stood. 

“I’m going home.” 

“Aw~ Iwa-chan! Stay out for little longer~” Oikawa slurred, “I want to go out club-clubbing!” He sounded like a child that didn’t want to go to bed.   
Iwaizumi looked a Kuroo who didn’t meet his gaze, “No I’m going home.” It came out harsher than Iwaizumi had intended.

He trudged out of the restaurant half expecting one of them to come running after him. They didn’t. The wind bit at Iwaizumi’s face. “I don’t care I don’t care I don’t care!” he repeated the mantra all the way home. He slammed the front door and threw off his coat when he arrived. 

“What’s up with you? You need to talk? I’m here for you.” Bokuto piped from the kitchen.

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Iwaizumi hit the wall with an open palm, the sound echoed through the apartment. He felt sorry when he saw Bokuto flinch back, his face full of concern. 

“I’ll leave you alone then,” Bokuto said quietly and turned away.

Iwaizumi shook his head, “You know what. How about you tell Kuroo that I’m sick and tired of this bullshit! This back and forth! One-time thing,” he stumbled a little but caught himself on the arm of the couch. “One-time thing! What bullshit! They’ve been seeing each other! They’ve been fucking behind my back!” 

Bokuto cocked his head to the side, “Iwaizumi…” his voice was level and steady, not anything like Iwaizumi’s, “You’re not dating anyone. They, whoever the second party is in this, isn’t doing anything wrong.” 

“No!” Iwaizumi slammed his fist against his thigh, “No! No no! Why isn’t he waiting? I don’t care. I don’t.” He began to walk to his room but tripped over his own feet and collapsed onto his knees.

“Iwaizumi!” Bokuto rushed over and knelt next to his friend. “What is wrong?” 

Iwaizumi held his hand over his mouth, he felt sick and everything was spinning. 

“You’re crying.”

Iwaizumi didn’t seem to hear, he sat frozen, staring at the carpet. He could hear Bokuto say something but he sounded far away, like he was underwater. His vision blacked around the edges, then nothing. 

-  
It was light out when Iwaizumi regained consciousness. His head was pounding, he rubbed his forehead and checked the time. It was well past noon, he sighed. There was a glass of water accompanied with some pills and note. He took the pills quickly and squinted at the note. 

“hey hey hey,   
youre gonna need this. Talk to me if you need to.  
Love ya, Bo.”

Iwaizumi smiled, he felt lucky to have someone like that. He remembered the night before, it felt like an arrow had pierced threw his chest, the anger boiled up again. He leaned back into his pillows and thought about it for a long time. 

That night Kuroo came home, he didn’t look disheveled but he refused to look at Iwaizumi. In turn, Iwaizumi didn’t try to talk to him. There was an unspoken conversation between them. Bokuto shot them both worried glances but didn’t ask. Oikawa came over later and sat down in a chair equally spaced between them, he seemed like a judge looking over his court. Iwaizumi gritted his teeth together and balled up his fists. 

“If you’ve got something to say, say it!” Kuroo snapped making both Oikawa and Bokuto jump back. 

That’s all Iwaizumi needed, an excuse to get loud. His temper was a lot like dynamite, a small spark was a grand opportunity. “Do I have something to say? I sure do!” He stood up and took a step towards Kuroo. He could see Oikawa pull his legs up into his lap out of the corner of his eye. “Let me ask you this, what’s the definition of a one-time thing?” 

“Are you kidding me Iwaizumi? Last time I checked, Oikawa wasn’t dating you and you guys weren’t hooking up. He isn’t yours!” He stood up, establishing the height difference between them.

“What about your old ‘roommate’ hm? I know you guys were seeing each other for a while.”

Kuroo let out a laugh, “What are you trying to say? That I can’t have multiple partners?” 

Iwaizumi took another step forward. “No I’m just saying you let him go. Just brushed him off! You’re going to do the same thing now! Just like what you did with your friend back home!” He could tell by the look in Kuroo’s eyes that he hit a nerve. “You left him and now you’re pissed that he found someone else!” 

Kuroo shook his head, “That makes two of us.” 

Iwaizumi lunged forward and grabbed Kuroo’s caller. They gripped each other’s arms and shook each other, a shoving match at best, but something inside Iwaizumi had been sparked, he was beyond angry. He had the advantage with his strength and managed to shove Kuroo against a wall. A picture fell off the wall and the glass shattered as it hit the floor. He heard Oikawa screaming for them to stop but he didn’t until he heard Bokuto yelling as he pulled them off each other. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you both!” Bokuto looked hurt. “This isn’t you. Get your shit together and talk it out like sophisticated fuckers! Look!” he pointed at Oikawa who was crying and holding his chest, “What did this solve? Nothing! Nada! Nothing but more drama! You are friends! You are my best friends! My best fucking friends,” he choked up a little, “and you’re fighting. I can’t stand to see this.” 

“I’m sorry Iwa-chan, I’m sorry Kuroo,” Oikawa was smiling but tears were running down his cheeks, “I fucked this all up. I’m so sorry.” He slipped outside before anyone could say anything. 

Iwaizumi had subconsciously loosened his grip on Kuroo’s collar and began to chase after him. He heard Kuroo mumble something and Bokuto add, “I know. He loves him.” Iwaizumi didn’t care. The steps of the apartment building had iced over, he nearly slipped and fell down all five of them but he managed to steady himself on the railing. Oikawa was standing on the edge of the sidewalk, his back towards Iwaizumi.

“What do you want Iwa-chan?” He was crying. 

“What do I want? What do you want Oikawa!?” Oikawa turned around but refused to meet his eyes. “You told me a few weeks ago that you still had feelings for me and now…now you do this!” 

Oikawa’s face scrunched up, “Oh bullshit Iwaizumi! Just because I go sleep with someone doesn’t mean I love them! And Kuroo definitely doesn’t love me! Every time it’s over he tells me he’s sorry and talks about his friend!” 

“Who’s side are you on?” 

“There’s no sides here Iwaizumi!” his eyes were red but they seemed steady and fierce as he spat the words back at Iwaizumi, “I’m not going to wait for you!” 

Iwaizumi took a step back, “You don’t have too!” 

Oikawa laughed a little and started to walk away, “That makes you the biggest hypocrite in the world Hajime!” 

“Decide what you want Oikawa.” 

Oikawa looked over his shoulder, “You should do the same.” He continued walking. 

Iwaizumi watched him leave. He didn’t stop him; he didn’t know how. He didn’t know what he wanted to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tag urself im bokuto   
> teamtobio.tumblr.com


	11. Tis the Season

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write a few words in memory of the voice actor Kazunari Tanaka, who passed away Monday at the age of forty-nine from a brain hemorrhage. He was a voice actor for many animes including Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion, Gintama, and the one most dear to me, Haikyuu. He voiced the character Ukai Keishin and he will hold a special place in my heart as he is, and will continue to be, one of my favorite voice actors. Haikyuu won't be the same without you, thank you coach.❤
> 
> ~ the author,taly

It took a few days but Iwaizumi and Kuroo apologized to each other. They understood they were both in the wrong for the things they said. The problem for Iwaizumi was how many missed calls he was getting from Oikawa. Day after day he would call and Iwaizumi didn’t answer.

November changed into December and the Christmas spirit was in the air. He watched the lights turn on every night and somewhat missed his childhood excitement for Christmas. Bokuto put up a Christmas tree with Kuroo, both claiming that they all “needed to feel the festivity”! Iwaizumi didn’t mind, it was nice. 

It was late when Oikawa attempted to Skype Iwaizumi. He hesitated answering for a moment before realizing that he hadn’t talked to him in three weeks; he answered.  
Oikawa’s face appeared on the screen, he was looking down and his hair was pushed back with a few brightly colored clips. Iwaizumi didn’t even have time to open his mouth before Oikawa had already begun, “Hi. I know I am a massive asshole and have screwed a lot of things up but I want you to hear me out. I messed up. Yes, I confess.,” his eyes were screwed shut and his fists were tightly balled, “I am so sorry Iwa-chan I said things I didn’t mean. We both don’t know what we are doing and I think I’m okay with that but I don’t want you angry with me so I called. By the way you’re an asshole for not answering my phone calls, anyways. I apologize and wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and wanted to know if you were going home for new years!” he was panting like he had ran a mile and Iwaizumi was a bit shocked on how much he had said and how he had said it. “I thought you would hang up so I had to hurry.” 

Iwaizumi shook his head, “First, wipe your nose. Second, I’m sorry too and don’t feel like talking about it…”

“It’s not good to keep things bottled up…” 

Iwaizumi ignored the comment, “But I don’t know if I’m going this year. I might it depends on how much a ticket is.” 

“I’ll pay for you!” He didn’t even hesitate. 

“Oikawa…” 

“Please! Come with me!” He was holding tissues close to his face and his glasses were fogging up from his heavy breathing. “Pretty please!” 

Iwaizumi glanced at his calendar. It would be a bit a surprise visit for sure, but his mom didn’t mind, but his dad was another story. He hadn’t been back to Miyagi since he graduated, he didn’t tell Oikawa that. “Yeah, I’ll go but you’re not paying!” 

Oikawa pumped his fists in the air, his eyes seemed to light up, “I’ll send you your ticket!” 

“No you’re not paying!” 

“Bye bye~ Merry Christmas!” He ended the call before Iwaizumi could argue. Iwaizumi couldn’t help but smile. His small silence was interrupted by Bokuto calling his name beckoning him to come back into the living room. Akaashi had come over and everyone was sat around the small coffee table on the floor. They had a board game set up.  
“Come on and play with us its Christmas,” Kuroo said. He pulled on his bright green sweater decorated with small bells. Even though the sweater was beyond hideous, Iwaizumi couldn’t turn him down. 

They played Monopoly and Akaashi was ruthless. He had immediately bought out the most expensive properties and placed hotels on them. Bokuto was the first to go bankrupt and Kuroo spent most of his rounds in jail. And he hated to admit it, but Iwaizumi was absolutely horrible at strategy games. It wasn’t like the group minded, it was good company with a great food, curtesy of Bokuto, and great laughs. It was great Christmas evening. Akaashi, in all his monopoly money glory, was the first to fall asleep atop of Bokuto’s lap; it didn’t take long for he himself to follow. Kuroo smiled softly at the pair a stood, “Want to go on a walk?” 

“Yeah, okay.” 

The street was lit up with all the lights from the decorations and they seemed to shine a little brighter that night. No one was out except the two, it seemed dead silent except for the occasional passing car. Iwaizumi had his hands in his pockets but Kuroo was idly fidgeting with his own. He didn’t think because he was nervous just a habit he picked up Bokuto. Funny how small habits passed between people. 

“I wanted to say I’m sorry.” Kuroo looked over at Iwaizumi, “I know you really care about him.” 

Iwaizumi rubbed the back of his neck, “No, it’s fine I shouldn’t have brought up your friend.” 

“It’s okay.” It was silent for a moment. “Do you love Oikawa?” 

“Depends on your definition of love. Do I care about him? Of course I do. Do I want to love him like Bokuto loves Akaashi? I don’t know.” 

Kuroo let out a breath, “I get what you mean.” He poked a finger into Iwaizumi’s chest then flicked his temple. “Matters what you feel there and think here.” 

“That hurt!” he rubbed his temple for a moment, “I guess. But mine don’t really agree.”

Kuroo tapped on his chin, “I guess that’s how things are sometimes. You just have to decide on which to act on.” He reached out his hand, “It’s snowing again.” 

Iwaizumi smiled, “It’s snowing again.” 

_

Oikawa slid between the crowd at the train station as graceful as a deer in a thicket. Iwaizumi thought all these people were lucky that he wasn’t a pickpocket or Oikawa would have made more money than his pockets could carry. Oikawa had a tight grip on Iwaizumi who behaved more like a fawn walking for the first time, carefully trying to copy its mother. He bumped into people often and held his suitcase close to his chest, he could feel his hat starting to slide off. In an odd way this made Iwaizumi think about the time he chased Oikawa through a crowd, except now Oikawa was pulling him through. He just wanted to reach the platform without fatally hitting someone with his suitcase.  
Their train was a few minutes late and Oikawa was slightly mad that it was. “Are you in a rush?” Iwaizumi laughed at Oikawa’s crossed arms and pushed out lips. “You’re making the same face you made when your mom wouldn’t let you spend the night.” 

Oikawa turned up his nose, “I am not.” 

Iwaizumi poked his cheek, “Yes you are.” 

Oikawa attempted to turn away to hide his smile, “Am not!” They both laughed. 

They would arrive in Sendai around six that evening then another hour train ride home. It wasn’t the greatest time to travel with all the people rushing about, but this was the cheapest ticket the two could find. Oikawa sat next to the window, his head pressed against it staring out at the blurred landscape. Iwaizumi thumbed through one of the magazines for a while with his headphones on but soon grew bored. He had always sitting still for long amounts of time. Oikawa pulled his headphones off his ears, “We are going to play a game.” 

“Give those back,” he snatched the headphones from Oikawa’s hand, “and what game.” 

“A interview game.” 

“Interview game?” 

“Yes, Iwa-chan.” 

“What am I applying for?” 

“Nothing in particular,” Oikawa winked. 

Iwaizumi sighed, “Okay.”

Oikawa clapped his hands together, “Favorite color?”

“Really Oikawa?”

“Favorite color!” 

“Red.” 

“Mine’s green.”

“Driving or walking.” 

“Walking.” 

“Maybe that’s because you don’t have a license.”

Iwaizumi grit his teeth, “Next question.” 

“Drink?”

“Occasionally.” 

“Smoke?” 

“I’m a medicine major. So I’m going to say no.” 

“Sex?” 

“Occasionally.” 

Oikawa put his finger over Iwaizumi’s lips and leaned in until they were a millimeter apart. He could see the small flecks of gold in his brown eyes and how the ends of hair that stuck out from under his hat were frizzy and needed a trim. “You’re such a nice guy Iwa-chan.” 

He felt his cheeks heat up, “If I’m a nice guy, you’re the smartest person on the planet.” 

“That’s mean Iwa-chan!”


	12. Maybe, just maybe.

His reunion with his mother went as he thought it would. Wide smiles, tight hugs, and a promise of a good home cooked meal. His father clapped him on the back and said a short welcome home. That was the unexpected part. The meal was pleasant and Iwaizumi enjoyed the mindless chatter between them. His mom had started substituting at the elementary school and his father had gotten a promotion. At the end of the evening he was settled on the couch across from his father, he was watching the news which was reporting the biggest news that year. 

“Time flies…” his father mumbled. He turned to Iwaizumi and stroked his chin. “You know this is your home and you are always welcome.” 

The words pained Iwaizumi’s heart. They sounded genuine. His father meant was he said. Iwaizumi nodded in response. Even though the words he had spoken were genuine, the words he had said a couple years ago were as well. The pain felt renewed, like when you find something you used to treasure but now it’s broken and won’t ever be the same. Iwaizumi had to remind himself that this was the same man that hurt him and will never accept his real self. Don’t give into lies lined with smiles. 

“Are you going out with friends tonight?” he asked. He then cleared his throat. Iwaizumi knew what he was thinking, he felt a pang of guilt. 

Iwaizumi had talked to Hanamakki and Mattsun regarding a party. He didn’t want to go, but he didn’t want to stay in the house with his father’s pressing eyes on him at all times. He remembered why he was so desperate to move out. “Yeah, just for a little while.” His father hummed in agreement. He knew dismissal when he heard it.

Iwaizumi glanced at the clock on the wall it was a little after seven, it was a slim chance that a store would be open, especially on new year’s eve and it was already dark. Screw it. He borrowed his mother’s car and drove to a small shop he had been to countless times in his life. Luckily, it was still open. He made his purchase quickly and called Oikawa, “You’re not doing anything tonight, right?” He paused. “Eleven is alright.” He drove to pass the time.

Oikawa met him at their spot. At their tree. He was sitting there looking at his phone and he must have heard Iwaizumi’s footsteps as he looked up and waved. Iwaizumi smiled and took a seat next to him. He held up the small plastic bag, “There was one pack left I got lucky.” He pulled out the rectangular package container sparklers. “I had to dig behind the display.” 

Oikawa clapped his hands together excitedly, “Great job Iwa-chan!” He hastily opened the package and pulled out two, he lit both and soon his face was illuminated by the white light beaming off the small stick, he handed one to Iwaizumi. Oikawa smiled and twirled his sparkler creating designs in the cold winter air. His surroundings lit up brighter as he took another one and started dancing around Iwaizumi, he was laughing. Iwaizumi smiled. He seemed like a god creating the first light to ever touch the earth, like he was discovering something new and exciting. His eyes were closed and he shook his head like he was listening to a song. Iwaizumi held his sparkler in front of him, his color a pale blue. Oikawa teased that he wasn’t any fun so Iwaizumi lightly bobbed it up and down, he was more than content watching Oikawa laugh and dance. The sparkler died out quickly. It was dark again except for the moon and the feint street lights they could see below the hill. The took a seat at the bottom of the trunk of their tree. 

“Let’s play a game Iwa-chan.” Oikawa looked at his phone. “It won’t be next year for another twenty minutes.

“What’s with you and games?” 

Oikawa leaned back on his hands and sighed. “well considering anytime we try to talk about ourselves we end up getting hurt, so, a game is a much better way to do it.” 

“Yeah, I guess you are right.” It was silent for a moment.

“You know I am sorry, for everything with Kuroo.” Oikawa said. Iwaizumi could hear he was hesitant. 

“Oikawa…” 

“No I am truly. I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe that I could find a replacement…well now that I think of it, that’s all my past relationships have been. Looking for something and never finding it.” Iwaizumi shot him a worried look, he didn’t stop talking. “On graduation day I found a dead bird in my backyard. It was next to the volleyball net; you know the one we used for practice back when we were kids. Its wings were broken; I guess a cat got it. It looked pitiful laying there in the grass and I knew why. It’s a creature meant for flight, for the skies. Not to sit on the soil. I buried the bird and I cried. I don’t know why. I felt like it was taken from something bigger than just being a songbird. Maybe everything on this earth is meant to teach us something.” 

Iwaizumi didn’t say anything. He wondered what it was like inside Oikawa’s mind. Something bigger? He was probably right about things in the world are here to teach us, but a songbird? He wasn’t so sure. But Oikawa believed it did; Iwaizumi wanted too as well. He leaned his head on Oikawa’s shoulder. Oikawa laughed lightly, “Sleepy?” Iwaizumi hummed in disagreement. Oikawa lifted his hand and left feather light touches across Iwaizumi’s cheek. “Only five minutes till next year, anything you want to say.” Iwaizumi remained silent but pulled out the remaining two sparklers and lit them, he gave one to Oikawa. He didn’t move his head. “3 minutes…” Their sparklers leaned together mixing the blue and green hues together. Oikawa kept caressing his face, Iwaizumi didn’t say anything. 

“Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four….” 

“Oikawa Tooru, you’re a life ruiner.” 

He wrapped his hand around Oikawa’s neck and pulled him in. He kissed him, and kissed him. And Oikawa kissed him back. A firework went off in the distance making Oikawa jump, Iwaizumi laughed and pulled him closer. He was kissing Oikawa and he was feeling something he never felt before. The emotion was heavy as it was buoyant, sad as it was happy. Iwaizumi named it content, he didn’t want to change anything. He hadn’t notice that had both dropped their sparklers and had each other’s hair wrapped in their fingers. Iwaizumi pulled away to see that Oikawa had his eyes still closes and his lips were still lightly parted. He kissed his forehead. “I think I’m an idiot, but maybe that’s okay.”  
Oikawa was smiling, Iwaizumi was too. 

-

Oikawa sat between Iwaizumi’s legs, his back facing him. Iwaizumi traced his finger over his muscular back and over his tattoo. The sun was about to rise, they didn’t sleep. Iwaizumi felt like he didn’t need it, he had what he needed. As he rubbed over the small stars on Oikawa’s back he started to think about seeing his father later, he tucked the thought away. He kissed the tattoo lightly, Oikawa took his hands and laced them with his own. “You sure like my tattoo,” he said just above a whisper.

Iwaizumi hummed, “What constellation is it?” He kissed the back of Oikawa’s slender neck.

“Cancer. My astrological sign.” 

Iwaizumi smiled, “That’s very you.” 

The early purple light peeked through the window adjacent to the bed. Oikawa pulled the cover over them both and tucked his head under Iwaizumi’s chin. Iwaizumi felt like some of his doubt had been blown away. He was still scared that this moment would slip through his fingertips like sand, but for now all he wanted to do was hold him. He wrapped his arm around Oikawa’s waist and slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iTS HAPPENED AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
> 
> teamtobio.tumblr.com


	13. Ball and Chain

Their love bloomed with the flowers on the trees, and Iwaizumi’s worries seemed to melt away with the snow. He went over to Oikawa’s apartment more than he did his own, Oikawa’s apartment was small but it was the perfect size for the two of them. He had a large window in the kitchen that overlooked the cityscape. On the nights Iwaizumi would stay they would climb onto the counter tops and stare out the window. Iwaizumi’s eyes were smitten with how the city lights lit up Oikawa’s face. The longer they stared out into the lights of the city the more Iwaizumi wanted to stay there forever. Oikawa would fall asleep sitting on the counter, his head nestled in Iwaizumi’s lap. Iwaizumi mindlessly played with his hair and watched the sun rise from behind the buildings.

A brand new day.

His phone buzzed beside him. It was Kuroo. He opened the text to see a picture of him and another guy with short blond hair and dark roots; he had captioned it, ‘catching up in a good way.’ Iwaizumi smiled at Kuroo’s face in the picture. He was smiling from ear to ear, maybe even laughing. Somehow, someway, things were working out. Iwaizumi was happy. 

Iwaizumi got out more often thanks to Oikawa. They would go out to lunch or Oikawa would bring lunch to Iwaizumi’s school and they would eat outside. Oikawa was like a flood, everything carried Iwaizumi with him. The smell of his cologne that lingered on Iwaizumi’s clothes, how he would always leave his socks at the foot of Iwaizumi’s bed, his little texts throughout the day; they were all pieces of him that drifted Iwaizumi back to him. Like he couldn’t seem to pull away from Oikawa’s current.  
They sat on Oikawa’s bed on sunny afternoon, thumbing through their textbooks, exchanging small smiles every so often. Oikawa looked over the rim of his glasses and smiled, it wasn’t a happy smile. Iwaizumi furrowed his eyebrows together, “What’s wrong?” 

He shook his head, “Nothing, nothing…just, you reminded me of a friend of mine.” He bit his lip and looked away. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Iwaizumi felt a little fake saying those words as he never talked about his feeling. He lightly grabbed Oikawa’s hand. “I’m here for you.” He meant that.

“Just the face you made when you were studying reminded me of a friend of mine when I went to the states.” He laced his fingers with Iwaizumi’s. 

“You went to the states?”

“Yeah, my first year of college I got offered to stay the summer in Yellowstone. Beautiful place, beautiful skies, you should have seen it!” his smile fell a little, closed his book, sighed, and started again. “There was another class who roomed with mine. I shared a room with a guy named Mac. He was tall and had his tips dyed green, the model type.” 

Was tall? 

“He was a couple years older than me and really knew his stuff. About space and alcohol, I kind of envied him,” he laughed. “Well he liked to get up early and wasn’t exactly quiet about it so I started getting up with him and going out hiking. I really liked hiking with Mac, he told the most bizarre stories and was brutally honest, especially about our bullshit essays. He’d say things like ‘I came here to study the cosmos not where to properly place an oxford comma!’ Granted my English isn’t so good so I most smiled and nodded. Well, one night we went out a sat by one of the creeks near our dorm and drank some cheap wine Mac had picked up. It was God awful but somehow, someway it got us drunk. We were both rambling when he said that he was married.” He looked up and sighed. Iwaizumi rubbed his hand. “He got married straight out of high school because his wife was sick, really sick, and they knew that she wasn’t going to make it. She didn’t want treatment either and wanted Mac to go to college, so he did. Well they went to a lake one day and Mac fell asleep and when he woke up, she was gone.”

Iwaizumi’s heart sank. 

“He really loved her and he blamed himself. He blamed himself. I held him as he cried, he cried until he couldn’t anymore. I told him about you Iwa-chan, and you felt dead to me. You just disappeared and I couldn’t follow you, no matter what I did. I couldn’t find you and I grieved, not in the same way Mac did but…” 

Iwaizumi felt an unexplainable wave of guilt wash over him. It was his fault Oikawa felt that way, and he wasn’t there for him when he needed someone the most. His fault; he convinced himself a long time ago. “I’m glad someone was there for you.” His stomach sank. 

“No, no don’t blame yourself I see that you are!” Oikawa grabbed both sides of Iwaizumi’s face. “We both dealt with it differently, I drank my worries away with Mac that whole summer. But you, you made two amazing friends who care so much about you… you were the bigger person.” 

Iwaizumi placed his hands over Oikawa’s, “That was then, and this,” he kissed Oikawa lightly, “This is now.” 

Oikawa smiled, “You always know what to say.” He kissed Iwaizumi and wrapped his hand around the nape of his neck, pulling him closer. The book he was reading slid off his lap and landed loudly onto the floor, Iwaizumi tossed his book down as well and pulled Oikawa into his lap. Their lips brushed together, not innocently, but with a passionate raw desire for one another. Warmth and lust flooded through Iwaizumi’s body. He roughly pushed Oikawa against the mattress and pulled off his shirt. He ran a gentle finger over Oikawa’s collarbone.

“Have I ever told you how much I love this?” Oikawa closed his eyes and hummed. Iwaizumi’s hand ran down Oikawa’s bare chest, over the milky skin and over the well-toned abs. “How about this?” His hands were careless, “Definitely this.” Oikawa’s head rolled back on the pillow.  
“You haven’t.”  
Iwaizumi smirked, “Then I’ll show you.”  
_  
Iwaizumi stared at Oikawa’s sleeping face as the setting sun casted its red and orange hues over it. He had an arm thrown carelessly above his head. Iwaizumi watched the rise and fall of his chest, he traced over the blooming purple marks. He stirred a little, his eyes opened. Iwaizumi would never get tired of watching him wake up, seeing life return to him. Oikawa brought a hand to Iwaizumi’s cheek and smiled. His lips bear the semblance of a smile, just enough to show that he is enjoying his thoughts, whatever they may be. It was moments like this Iwaizumi felt free. Free from the unrelenting weight he always felt when he thought of a future with Oikawa, the weight of his father’s words and threats; no, they were promises. 

“Hajime?” 

Iwaizumi looked down at Oikawa, his brown eyes reflecting gold in the setting sun. “Tooru.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sweats* 
> 
> teamtobio.tumblr.com


	14. Just like a Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like a storm, it came quietly, and then all at once.

Iwaizumi rushed through Oikawa’s apartment in a flying frenzy. He had misplaced his notebook and needed it for his paper. He had been studying at Oikawa’s and was certain that’s where he left it. He tore open Oikawa’s desk drawer and messily plowed through the contents. “C’mon where is it?” he said through gritted teeth. He finally saw its navy blue cover and sighed in relief, he plucked it from its place. “There you are.” He didn’t realize until he arrived home that the notebook wasn’t his, it was Oikawa’s; and it wasn’t a notebook, it was a journal.  
The first page had been doodled on and in big red letters it said ‘FRESHMAN YEAR: YELLOWSTONE!!!!” Now, Iwaizumi had a pet peeve for people snooping in his things but the journal was full of entries that looked detailed. He sighed, curiosity got the best of him. He turned the page: 

_Okay, this journal is dedicated to my experiences in Yellowstone. I will not leave a moment undocumented. The flight here was enjoyable; well as enjoyable as a sixteen-hour flight can be. I slept through most of it anyways. The place we’re staying is amazing! It’s an old log cabin that rangers used to use to train, now it’s been renovated just for astronomy students! It’s about a mile trek to the telescope we use but the hike is amazing. I’ve never seen nature so diverse and beautiful. We are sharing the cabin with an American class. They are a grade of ahead of us and I don’t think any of them speak Japanese. Some people came up to me and I tried my best to introduce myself, they understood but I wasn’t any good in English back in high school. I should have paid more attention._

_One week in Yellowstone and someone actually speaks some Japanese! I was eating lunch with a couple of my classmates and he came and sat down next to me and introduced himself to us. He has an accent but he was defiantly trying his best, he was so cute when he blushed. Mac is his name. He’s got green in his hair and the darkest eyes I’ve ever seen; it was kinda like looking into the void of space. I tried to tell him that but he didn’t understand. I pointed to my eyes and then my textbook. He blushed again. We ate lunch together and talked, well the little snippets of conversations in Japanese we could make and I tried to talk in English, he giggled when I did but he encouraged me anyways. He reminds me of Iwa-chan, always encouraging me. I miss him._

The entire journal was filled with stories from that summer. Oikawa really admired Mac and Iwaizumi could tell why. He was smart and had big ideas of his place in the vast boundaries of the universe. He admired his wife and always complimented her as if she were still alive, “her eyes…like the summer sky.” Or “she always smiling, one way or another.” Iwaizumi didn’t think it was because he couldn’t let go but because he didn’t want too. It was sad, what made it sadder was how much Iwaizumi felt for the guy. He blamed himself for his wife’s death even though it wasn’t his fault. But Iwaizumi knew it was his fault he let Oikawa go. Mac ended up dying in a car crash a few days before Oikawa left. He didn’t write much on it; Iwaizumi wondered why. Oikawa also went on about how he himself was feeling. He had a gift for expression and hiding those feelings; something Iwaizumi lacked. 

_I am a mess of conflicting emotions and impulses. I am so greedy as I want Mac with me, but I am independent as I don’t want anyone to know what a mess I have become. I want to belong; I want to become whole with someone. Does he feel this was too? I am a mess. A mess of emotions and scars. The scar on my knee with its purple and pink smile, is far less prominent than the scars in my head. How ugly I am on the inside. My high school career that landed me on an all-star volleyball team, my dream, it was all fueled by my selfish and proud desire to win. To conquer, to prove that I was worth it and to make sure that I would be remembered. It was the same selfish desire that drove him away, I’m sure of it. He told me that his father said something, I can’t blame him. I wouldn’t want my son to be with me either._

Iwaizumi through the journal across the room, it hit the wall with a solid thud. He took his head in his head. Why did you blame yourself? My fault, my fault, not yours. He gripped his hair tightly between his fingers and rocked back and forth on his bed. He wanted to scream. He grit his teeth together to the point his jaw ached. _I caused him more pain than I imagined. He drank it away He was broken. Is he better? Can I help him?_

_He is like a flood; unpredictable._

-  
“Oikawa, you would tell me if something was bothering you, right?” Iwaizumi asked a few days after returning the journal to its original place. He didn’t mention that he read it.  
Oikawa was humming and folding laundry, he turned to look at Iwaizumi. “Yes of course I would. I trust you whole heartedly, Iwa-chan.” He smiled and went back to folding. “Holding in feelings was always your thing.” Iwaizumi knew he was smirking. He continued humming. 

“You promise?” Iwaizumi stood and wrapped his arm around Oikawa’s waist and pulled him into him. He could smell the scent of the fresh laundry in his hair. “Promise?” It sounded like a dare. 

Oikawa rolled his head to the side giving Iwaizumi easy access to his neck. He nipped at it playfully. “Iwa-chan I promise.” He said with a breath of relief. Iwaizumi wished he could be so open. Feeling were always hard for Iwaizumi to put into words and it forced him to keep them in. Oikawa brought them out at times. He was thankful for that. Oikawa wrapped his hand around Iwaizumi’s nape and kissed him lightly. Iwaizumi was smiling against the kisses. He wanted to pour his heart out at that moment, he opened his mouth to do so but he quickly shut it. I don’t want him to feel guilty. My fault; not his. He found solace in this mantra. 

Oikawa spun around and hopped onto the dryer. He wrapped his legs around Iwaizumi’s waist and pulled him in. “Someone isn’t skipping leg day,” Iwaizumi teased. He held Oikawa’s jaw and kissed along it. Oikawa laughed and wrapped his hands in the white curtains fluttering behind them in the springtime wind. The curtains hid them from the world, their own tiny sanctuary, safely guarded, and all they could see was each other. 

Oikawa pulled away, “Hajime…I…” he was cut off by Iwaizumi’s phone ringing, making them both jump in surprise. Iwaizumi glanced down to find his mother calling. 

“Weird…” He swiped to answer. 

“Who is it?” 

“Hi Mom…wait what? Slow down…” Iwaizumi’s eyes raced around the room as if he was looking for an answer. 

“Iwa-chan...?” 

“Oh my God…oh my God…” his phone clattered to the floor shattering the screen. 

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa jumped off the dryer and gripped Iwaizumi’s arms, “What happened?” 

Iwaizumi was shaking, no tears were coming to his eyes. He was in utter disbelief. He looked at Oikawa. “My dad just died.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *holding Iwa close to my chest* IM SORRY IM SSO SORRRYYY 
> 
> teamtobio.tumblr.com


	15. Falling

The funeral was that Saturday. Oikawa insisted on coming and Bokuto and Kuroo sent flowers: it was the least they could do they promised. The sun shone brilliantly and the colors of the spring day under its glare made the day seem bright and cheerful, almost offensively so. Iwaizumi didn’t really care, the weather felt as gray and foggy as he did. But the birds still sang. He sat in the front with his mother and tears long awaited finally came. Iwaizumi was ashamed. He sat silently in grief throughout the service. 

After, he sat at the foot of the stone monument where his father’s ashes now laid. He kneeled and bowed his head. He traced his hand over the engraving of his father’s name then touched the flowers his mother had left. Their white petals seemed like a beacon against the muted gray stone. He sighed and closed his eyes. The wind brought the sound of chimes with it. His father was gone; Iwaizumi would never be able to talk to him again. He died knowing that his son resented him. Iwaizumi felt tears prick his eyes again then a soft hand on his shoulder. It was Oikawa adorned in a black suit; his tie was still perfectly done while Iwaizumi’s hung loosely in its place. 

“Iwa-chan…I…” Iwaizumi placed his hand on top of his. “Do you want to talk?”

Iwaizumi didn’t meet his eyes but shook his head. 

“Your mom was talking to me and said that your father really loved you…” 

“He had a shitty way of showing it.” Iwaizumi snapped through gritted teeth. Oikawa sighed and kissed the top of his head.

“I’ll be in the car when you’re ready.” 

Iwaizumi sniffed and nodded. Oikawa squeezed his hand once more before turning and leaving. Iwaizumi looked down at this hands, they were unmistakably identical to his fathers, same with his broad shoulders and the shape of his nose. As a child he was always told he was the spitting image of his mother: the lean build, the tan skin, the sharp green eyes, but as he grew Iwaizumi saw more of his father, inside and out. 

When he got into that fight in middle school his mother lectured him the entire car ride home and when she cleaned his face. His father did not. He said he was disappointed that he resorted to violence but was proud that his son stood his ground and stood for what he believed in. Why didn’t he see that quality in me when I confessed my feeling? 

He remembered his father taking him to a volleyball game when he was five. It was his first time watching a match that wasn’t on TV. It was a high school tournament; it was loud so Iwaizumi covered his ears as the first found their seats. His father laughed and pulled him into his lap, “I’m not going to let anything hurt you Hajime.” Iwaizumi stayed in his lap for the entirety of the match. The movement of the bright colored jerseys and the solid sound of the ball striking the floor captivated him. His father pointed out all the players and named their position. He pointed to a player that scored point after point, his spikes never faltering. “He’s the ace Hajime.” Iwaizumi’s small legs kicked with excitement and his eyes lit up; ace. 

His father built him up and then tore him down. Iwaizumi tried to rebuild himself but ended up with an empty shell. Bokuto brought in the furniture, Akaashi swept the floors, Kuroo hung up the pictures containing memories, and Oikawa brought in the light. Showing off the place that had been rebuilt. What he should be proud of; the new and the old.  
Iwaizumi tapped the stone. “Thank you.” The wind blew again and Iwaizumi took a deep breath. He turned and walked back to the car. 

Oikawa was waiting like he said he would. Iwaizumi entered the car on the driver’s side, Oikawa looked up from his phone.

“You okay?” 

Iwaizumi looked at him, and studied his face. His eyebrows were furrowed together and his doe-like eyes stared right into Iwaizumi’s. Iwaizumi leaned over and kissed him on the side of the mouth. “I’m alright. I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Oikawa opened his mouth to protest but quickly shut it as Iwaizumi laced his fingers with his own. Iwaizumi started the car and drove. Oikawa was staying with his family, Iwaizumi insisted that it would’ve been dine but he knew Iwaizumi’s two aunts were staying as well and didn’t want to intrude. 

When Iwaizumi arrived home his mother and aunts were sat around a picture album, their eyes were red and puffy. He looked at them and noticed how his mother looked nothing like her sister who sat to her left. Her hair had no signs of gray and she kept up her youthful appearance unlike her sister who showed her age in every way despite only being two years older. Yokai, is what she would call his mother as a term of endearment. These beautiful demons that remained young for all of eternity. He thought about the time his aunt looked at him and said that she felt like she was staring at in his mother’s eyes. 

His father’s sister sat to her right. She looked like Iwaizumi’s grandmother, the high cheekbones and the curly hair. He hadn’t seen her since he was young but if she stood he figured she’d only stand to his chest. Her dark eyes identical to his father’s were filled with tears. It was hard to believe that she was only four years older than Iwaizumi, she seemed much older. They had had played together when he was about four. Iwaizumi tried to keep up with her on his chubby legs but fell behind often. They were trying to catch bugs in the backyard. She yelled at him for always dropping them but they were so fast for his small hands. It made him cry, he was a bawling mess until his father came over and calmed him down. He placed a small beetle in his hand and encouraged him to bring it to her. 

The four ate dinner quietly. The women shared good memories of his father for most of it. His mother commented that it was kind of Oikawa to come along, she eyed Iwaizumi as if to confirm her thoughts. He nodded once, “Yes, he wanted to be there for us, he grew up with me you know.” His aunts raised their eyebrows and went back to their food. Iwaizumi wouldn’t put it past them to agree with his father’s ideals. 

He laid in his childhood bed that night, he felt entirely too big for it. He rolled over and half expected to see Oikawa fast asleep beside him. He looked out the window up at the moon. A strange thought it was but that was the same moon he looked at on new year’s, the same one he saw on the night of the carnival, the very same one he looked at with his father. He felt strangely at peace with the thought of the moon having memories tied to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is honestly one of my favorite chapters ive written; it has been so much fun developing iwaizumi to get him here. i hope you see how much iwa has grown and are excited to see how he takes it from here! im rooting for him! !! 
> 
> teamtobio.tumblr.com


	16. Catching

ONE YEAR LATER

“Don’t lose it!”

“I won’t, I won’t…” 

“Promise?” Oikawa extended his finger outward. Iwaizumi wrapped his pinky around his. 

“Promise.” 

Oikawa smiled and closed his eyes. “Are Bokuto and Kuroo here?” 

Iwaizumi moved to the side, pulling Oikawa with him. Out of all the places to talk Oikawa decided to talk a few feet from the gym’s entrance. A few girls walked by, talking in a language Iwaizumi couldn’t understand. He couldn’t believe they were actually here. Oikawa still had his eyes closed. 

“Yeah, Akaashi managed to get time off work too.”

Oikawa smiled, “That’s good. I’ll have to thank them for coming.” 

Iwaizumi pulled at the bottom of Oikawa’s bright red jersey baring the number six. Oikawa allowed for the lightest of touch of his hand across Iwaizumi’s cheek. He ran his finger along his jaw and then his cheekbone and finally his lips. Iwaizumi caught his hand and kissed each of his knuckles. Iwaizumi looked over his hand at Oikawa’s face. 

“Nervous?” he muttered, kissing his knuckles again.

Oikawa sighed, “Of course I am.” He let out a breathy sigh. The crowd let out a mighty cheer behind them, Oikawa squeezed Iwaizumi’s hand. His eyes were darting around and his eyebrows were close together. “What if I mess up…what if I’m not good enough.” 

Iwaizumi wrapped his hand around Oikawa’s neck, “Tooru,” he looked into his eyes, the same ones he had been looking into for years. He pulled him closer to they were a hairsbreadth away, their noses brushed together. “Remember you would do this before every match. Middle school, high school, it didn’t matter. You’d always doubt yourself, but you never let us down. You are going to go out there and win. You are going to win. I spent way to long doubting myself, I don’t want you to feel that way ever in your life. Tooru you keep me strong, let me do the same for you.” 

Oikawa looked up, smiled and brought their lips together, “How did I ever get so lucky to have you…” 

Iwaizumi smiled and kissed his on the corner of the mouth, “I should be staying that.” 

“Oi! Didn’t you saps do this already?” Bokuto’s voice boomed through the hall. He wrapped an arm around Oikawa’s shoulders. “You excited?” 

Oikawa laughed behind his hand, “Of course.” He was faking this confidence. Iwaizumi crossed his arms and eyed Oikawa, he took notice and shrugged. He was faking it. Of course, this wasn’t anything new to Iwaizumi but it always struck a chord with him. He loved Oikawa for how honest he was with his feelings, how he couldn’t hide his true feelings behind his eyes, at least he couldn’t hide them from Iwaizumi or himself. He smiled to himself, he felt lucky for knowing so much about Oikawa that no one else did. 

The sound of cameras flashing pulled Iwaizumi from his thoughts. Reporters had swarmed around Oikawa and Bokuto was trying his best to push through them. Hard to believe a guy like Bokuto got so shy around cameras. Iwaizumi took a step back and promised to meet up with him later.

The reporters were billowing out questions.

“Are you nervous?”

“Are the opponents going to stand a chance?” 

“Is it true you had knee surgery last year?” 

“Will this be your last and only season?” 

“Is it- “Oikawa seemed scared, hell who wouldn’t be. He was smiling politely but not giving them any answers, this only pressed them further. They moved in closer, pressing their notepads and pens in his face. Iwaizumi had seen Oikawa flocked with doe-eyed girls all pressing him for a picture, but this was different. Oikawa was backing away trying to break through the wall of that has surrounded him. An older man managed to get near him, he wore a plaid suit and his hair was neatly slicked back, his expression was livid, as if he had found a marvelous spectacle never known to man. A face filled entirely with desire. He pulled a recorder from his pocket and hastily pressed record.

“Oikawa-san is true that you believe you are the reason you will win today? You said in an interview back in February that your position requires you to be a control tower? You also had a photoshoot week prior to that, no doubt women are lusting after you? Is this how you will make your debut? A controlling narcissistic- “ 

Iwaizumi pushed through the crowd and snatched the recorder from the man’s grubby fingers, he quickly stepped in between him and Oikawa. “That’s enough,” he barked. He through the recorder to the ground as a hush fell over the reporters. 

“Iwa-chan…”

“You have five fucking seconds to leave him alone before I call security,” he snapped, “No, if you’re not gone,” he stuck a finger into the man’s chest whose face was now squished together and bright red. “I don’t want to see you near him or I’ll kick your ass all the way outside,” he assured. He felt Oikawa tug on his arm. He didn’t break his gaze with the man. “That’s a promise.” He kicked the recorder across the room before turning and leaving, tugging Oikawa away by the arm.

Iwaizumi was walking at a swift speed causing Oikawa to somewhat lag behind him. “Hajime I can’t believe you did that!” he was laughing. Iwaizumi stopped suddenly and let Oikawa walk into his chest, he caught his face. He lowered his lips, pressing them down on Oikawa’s and sliding his hand across his back. Oikawa leaned forward bringing their chests closer together and wrapped his hand into his hair. Iwaizumi ignored the very heavy stares of everyone around them. The sound of a buzzer drove them apart, Oikawa’s eyes darting behind him towards the gym.

“That’s me…”

“You’ll be fine,” Oikawa kept looking over his shoulder, Iwaizumi grabbed his face and kissed his forehead, “You will be fine. Relax.” 

Oikawa exhaled loudly but a smirk tugged on his lips, “Of course.” 

Iwaizumi had cheered his lungs out during the match, it was the Olympics for God’s sake, who wouldn’t. Bokuto and Kuroo had painted their faces red and white while Akaashi settled for a small flag on his cheek, it didn’t last very long as every time Japan’s national volleyball team would score, Bokuto would plant an aggressive kiss across it. Oikawa was amazing, as Iwaizumi had expected. he was completely in control of his emotions, his precise movements never faltered. The ball always found its way to the spikers palm with ease, the blocks didn’t stand a chance. Iwaizumi welled up with pride as Oikawa smiled at his teammates and smirked at their opponents. Some things never change.

As the last spike pounded the opposite side of the net and the whistle and buzzer rang out simultaneously, the crowd was booming and Iwaizumi was bounding over the thigh-high blue dividers separated him and Oikawa. They ran towards each other, smiling and yelling like idiots. Oikawa slammed into Iwaizumi with all his might. Sweat ran off his forehead onto Iwaizumi’s shoulders. Their strong arms were wrapped tightly around each other, a rib cracking hug. Iwaizumi had lifted Oikawa off the ground and spun him as Oikawa cupped his face and brought their lips together. He tasted of sweat and the mint gum he was chewing during the time-outs. They were surrounded by the flash of cameras once again, but they couldn’t see them; only each other. Oikawa was pulled away by his teammates as they bounced up and down, screaming out of excitement. A bottle of champagne had found its way to be poured atop Oikawa’s head. He continued to laugh as he looked at Iwaizumi, his hair now flat against his forehead. Iwaizumi hadn’t seen him smile like that for weeks, he had been so worried over these matches but he performed outstandingly in each of them. Iwaizumi couldn’t be more proud. 

_

When they finally clasped each other in a warm, slow and luxurious hug, they felt all oppositions to their love had melted. His chests rising and falling against Oikawa’s back, their breaths in unison, and the warm blood that they could feel in each other’s' embrace. Oikawa nestled his head next to Iwaizumi’s side as his finger traced over his well-defined stomach. Iwaizumi laced his fingers through Oikawa’s freshly washed hair. The doors that led to the balcony overlooking the London skyline had been left open, allowing for the summer wind to flow throughout the lavish hotel room. Oikawa turned and kissed along Iwaizumi’s ribs, he flinched away. “Ticklish, are we?” he uttered against the warmness of the skin. 

“You knew that already,” Iwaizumi coined flicking Oikawa gently. 

Oikawa then sat up abruptly without warning. “Hajime! Oh my God!” He scrambled off the large bed and dove towards the crumbled pile of Iwaizumi’s clothes.

“You do realize you are stark naked and the windows are open right…” 

“Oh my God! Oh my God!” He shook through the clothes violently. “Where is it?” Iwaizumi rolled onto his side and stared at him.

“As much as I enjoy the view…calm down,” Iwaizumi was smirking. 

Oikawa turned to face him, “This isn’t funny!” 

Iwaizumi shook his head and extended his hand towards him, “Come lay back down.” 

Oikawa hesitated, “You little shi-WOAH” Iwaizumi had grabbed him around the wrist and pulled him back in. He hastily rolled Oikawa beneath him. He took Oikawa’s pink-stained hands in his own and brought it too his lips. 

“You trust me?” 

Oikawa looked up at Iwaizumi through his lashes, “Perfectly.” 

Iwaizumi smiled. He brought the silver band over his finger, “You didn’t have to worry then.” 

Oikawa tried to make an angry face but his smile was too prominent. He laced their fingers together causing their rings to collide with a reassuring clack. Oikawa brought his opposite hand to Iwaizumi’s cheek, he leaned into it and exhaled. He was so thankful for this moment. “Tooru, you look like a picture.” 

“Well you look like a painting.” 

Iwaizumi shook his head, “You always have to outdo me, don’t you?” 

Oikawa smirked and ran his hand through his tousled hair, “Naturally.” 

“You’re such an ass!” Iwaizumi bit into his neck. Oikawa laughed lightly. 

“I always have been.” 

Iwaizumi rolled off of Oikawa and laid on his side. He kissed Oikawa gently. He felt like this was the first time he had kissed him, completely new. It wasn’t like the kiss they shared on New Year’s, or the ones in the locker room. Iwaizumi was truly happy without a doubt in his mind, Oikawa was his, they were together now, nothing could come in between them. His knees shook the first time they kissed up until the time he got down on one knee and asked him to marry him. Oikawa had his eyes closed now but a light smile was on his face, how he had changed throughout their life together. From childhood scratches, to the broken glasses, to the dark circles that were as prominent as his personality throughout high school, to the tears he saw in his broke down car; Oikawa was ever changing. Iwaizumi had never noticed how he had changed with him. He grew right alongside him, they shaped each other in one way or another. Iwaizumi smiled. 

“Tooru…” 

“Hajime…?” 

“I love you.” He had never meant something so deeply. 

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sad that this fic is over i feel like i could write 1000 chapters about these two and it will never be enough! thank you to everyone who leaves kudos or a comment; thank you for reading this and making my first fic so successful. thank you thank you thank you! there will be more fics to come! watch out for them here: teamtobio.tumblr.com


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